Ah, shoot. Ever walked away from a conversation wishing you'd said something differently? Maybe you laughed when you shouldn't, stumbled over all your words, or couldn't maintain eye contact to save your life. We get it—social awkwardness happens to everyone, but just how the heck do you act "normal"?
Well, before you take on a completely new personality, know that ridding that awkward layer is a little easier than you think. In fact, sometimes you just need to recognize the habits that make your interactions uncomfortable, then tweak your approach with greater confidence. With a little bit of adjustment, you'll be chatting up a storm without breaking a sweat in no time!
Make Good Eye Contact
First things first, you want to maintain eye contact with whoever you're talking to. We're not, of course, telling you to stare people down. That'll only drive them further away, trust us. What you should do is do a minor sweep: look at their left eye, then their right. You can even look between their brows if you can't bring yourself to go for the eyes yet. Something else that might help is to pay attention to how others do it, then copy their technique.
Don't stop at just making good eye contact, though. Your overall body language can also influence how comfortable others feel around you. For example, if you're constantly checking your phone, crossing your arms, or looking everywhere but at them, all you're doing is telling them that you're not interested in the discussion, even if you are and you're just awkward. At the very least, make sure to face your conversation partner; the occasional nod helps communicate attentiveness, too.
Of course, as you get more comfortable, you might find different habits and behaviors that work best for you. And while eye contact is important, you don't have to stay staring at someone's face the entire time—it's fine to look away sometimes, too! The end goal is to show that you're engaged, but don't do it at the cost of your or the other person's comfort.
Stop Overthinking Every Word You Say
Alright, you have the eye contact down. Now what? Another reason conversations can get awkward is that people sometimes devote so much attention to how they're being perceived. Instead of listening intently, you might mentally rehearse your next line, then worry about whether it came out right. Was your tone off? Will they take it the wrong way? Was that the right word to use? All of this excessive self-monitoring will only make you more jittery, not less.
As much as you want to be taken the right way, focusing too much on your own behavior can affect how others feel around you, too, and not for the reasons you might think. Think about it: when you're chatting with someone, you want to feel heard! You don't want them to be constantly thinking about whether or not they're wording themselves right, so apply that same mindset to yourself.
And look—there will sometimes be lulls in conversations. You don't need to fill every silence with something; that might only make things more weird. If you're unsure what to say next, you can always try an open-ended question to encourage the other person to share more. Of course, once the ball gets rolling, remember to contribute your own thoughts, too, since enjoyable conversations involve participation from both people.
Practice Socializing More
You probably wish there was some button you could press to stop being awkward, but reality isn't so easy. Like everything, practice makes perfect, so if you regularly get nervous in unfamiliar social situations, you'll just have to do them more. Sorry, there's no way around it. Fortunately, you can start small to build momentum. Chat with a friend first, then maybe a friend of a friend, and so on.
Don't feel down when an interaction doesn't go exactly as planned. As we've said, social awkwardness happens to everyone, even the most outgoing person out there! You will sometimes trip over your words; you will sometimes not know what to say. And that's okay! Instead of spending hours beating yourself up over it afterward, acknowledge what happened, apologize if you need to, then learn from your mistakes.
Finally, remember that feeling awkward occasionally doesn't mean you lack social skills or that other people dislike you. Everyone has conversations that don't progress smoothly, and you won't connect equally well with every person you meet; that's just how the cookie crumbles. In saying that, however, if persistent fear of judgment constantly interferes with your daily life, seeking out professional support may help.
Ultimately, becoming less awkward isn't as challenging as you might think. Maintain some natural eye contact, develop good communication habits, and allow yourself ample opportunities to practice—you'll gradually become more confident in social situations in no time.
