In most cases, couples will have dated and fallen in love well before the money conversation comes up, and some hurdles down the road are to be expected. Arguments about money are common, but they’re often fixable, according to relationship experts, barring extreme red flags like major financial deal breakers. Overall, talking about finances before marriage can offer a lens into how your partner thinks about money and avoid conflicts later in life.
Avoiding Fights About Money
Financial arguments are among the most common types of disagreements, and a lack of transparency only fans the flames. Conflict bubbles up when one person sees the other’s need for money as in competition with their own. One way to avoid this is to define money as “ours” instead of “yours” or “mine.” The best way to address this is by focusing on the “we” from the get-go. One way to do this is by opening a joint account, which will make it harder to keep any financial activity a secret. Some couples also set limits on spending. For instance, they might agree not to make purchases over $100 without checking with their partner. The important thing is communication and a mutual agreement on boundaries, no matter the setup.
Aligning Values
Money is one way of defining who you are and who you want to be. Sharing your life with someone else may get off to a rocky start if you don’t want the same things or if your definitions of those things aren’t aligned. This means discussing when you want to retire, if you plan on sending your kids to college, and how many vacations you want to take a year. Being specific is the goal here. Having a shared understanding will also give you a framework to accomplish these goals together. Talking about money might not be the most pleasant thing to do with your significant other, but it will likely save you from a lot of future strife if you do it before marriage.
In essence, discussing money is an important part of any relationship, but especially before marriage. Communication is key in building a strong, healthy partnership and avoiding misunderstandings, disagreements, and potential pitfalls. Having these tough money talks will help partners communicate about money openly, manage conflicts, make intentional decisions, and set a strong foundation for marriage. Agreeing on spending habits, setting joint goals, and aligning values for the future are all part of the process. Money can actually be an important tool for building partnership and trust between two people. It just requires a commitment to starting the conversation early, being honest, and viewing money as part of the larger relationship.
