Back On The Market
Here at ZenParent, we listen and we don't judge. There are plenty of reasons why people go on first dates after awhile, and there are also plenty of reasons to be nervous. Hopefully, these 20 tips will help with the planning and nerves.
1. Date For The Right Reasons
Dating isn't a competition, especially with one's ex. Don't feel like you have to get back out there before you're ready. Don't date just for the sake of dating; date because you want to make a connection.
2. Wear Something Comfortable
This doesn't mean you should show up in your favorite pair of comfy sweats (unless it's a fitness-oriented date), but you also don't need to go out and buy a whole new outfit. Wear something that you feel confident and sexy in rather than buying an outfit you saw on Instagram.
3. Know When To Call It Quits
Not everything is meant to be. Sometimes people can hit it off online but not in person. If neither of you is having a good time, there's no shame in ending things early rather than drawing it out.
4. Use Body Language
Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words. Learn to read body language so you can use it to express attraction through leaning, fronting, or mirroring. Body language can also help you pick up on cues of discomfort.
5. Be On Time
Your date won't get mad at you if you're a few minutes late due to traffic. However, your chances of getting a second date will go way down if you make them wait so long they get their drink order in. Your date's time is valuable, don't leave them hanging to let them think they're being stood up.
6. Be Open To Experiences
Not every date is going to lead to a lifelong relationship, and that's okay. You might get a valuable friend out of it. Similarly, if they're planning the date around something they're passionate about, go in open-minded.
7. Don't Make Comparisons
No matter how great (or awful) your ex was, there's no reason to bring them up on a first date. Constant comparisons between your current dates and previous ones can make you come off as callous. They can also make your date feel belittled, as though they're nothing more than a comparison point to them.
8. Flowers Never Hurt
Flowers on a first date is a contentious issue, with many people saying that they come on way too strong. For our part, there's nothing wrong with a little old-school romance if you potential partner has a green thumb, or if you're going to the farmer's market. Whatever you do, we don't recommend red roses.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com on Pexels
9. Have A Backup Plan
Plans change. Weather can put a damper on outdoor dates, restaurants can be all booked, movies can be sold out. A more relaxed Plan B can salvage a dating disaster.
10. See Them Home
We don't mean you always have to walk them to the door (unless both parties agree), but looking out for your date's safety should always be a priority. This can take many forms: walking them to the subway, waiting for their Uber to arrive, or even driving them home if you feel that's right.
11. Practice Active Listening
Listening isn't just sitting back and letting conversation wash over you. Active listening involves good eye contact, reading body language, and asking open-ended questions, among other things. Another important component of active listening is knowing when to reflect and when to respond.
12. Don't Overcomplicate Things
Like we said, a first date isn't an arranged marriage, it doesn't need to be elaborate. You can hit a few stops if they're all walkable, or pick a more involved activity depending on the person, but a date does not need to be a five-act play. Keep it short—1 to 2 hours—and relatively simple.
Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash
13. Tailor The Date To The Person
Not all dates have to be dinner and a movie. First dates can stick to the classics or they can be as unique as the people on them. For example, if they love animals, you could take them to the zoo, showing that you listen and care about your experiences.
14. Be Yourself
Unless you're catfishing your dates (don't do this!), the other person will want to spend time with you, not someone else, and definitely not a squeaky-clean version of yourself who's desperate for attention. They showed interest in you for a reason, stay true to yourself.
15. Ask Questions
Asking your date questions about themself will make them feel comfortable in your company, and it will show that you pay attention. You don't necessarily need a script for your date—unless that helps you feel comfortable—but you can have some questions prepared. People include their interests and experiences on dating profiles because they want to be asked questions.
16. Send A Follow-Up Text
If you enjoyed the date and want to see more of them, tell them! A follow-up text should be casual but meaningful. The 24-hour window after the date is the best time, text whenever you feel ready.
17. Honesty Is The Best Policy
You should be honest with your date, especially if you hope to see more of them. There's nothing wrong with admitting that it's been some time since you've been on a date (you don't have to give a reason if you don't want to) or that you're a little nervous. A good date will listen to you and understand that.
18. It's Okay To Be Nervous
Going off that last point, it's totally understandable if you're nervous! The dating landscape changes faster than ever with the reliance on apps and whatever "talking stages" are. First dates can be nerve-wracking experiences, but don't let that anxiety ruin your night.
19. Get Out Of Your Head
Don't psyche yourself up thinking of potential catastrophes before the date. Don't let your worries play third wheel on the date. Don't stay awake going over every little thing you said or did after the date.
20. Have Fun
The most important piece of advice we can give is to have fun. Dating should be exciting and fun, even if it doesn't lead to a forever commitment. Even if everything goes wrong, you can laugh about your mistakes at a later time.
