How to Keep the Date Flowing
Have a first date coming up? As exciting as these initial meetings can be, they can also be incredibly nerve-wracking. After all, what should you say? What should you do? What happens if things get extremely awkward? We get it—it can feel daunting. But it might help to know that these experiences are pretty universal, and there are ways to dodge the dreaded silence. Here are 10 awkward first date moments we all hate, and 10 ways to avoid uncomfortable pauses and situations.
1. They're Late
What do you do when your date is late? Sure, maybe you can go on your phone, text other friends, send your date a quick, "Are you almost here?" message—but there's only so much you can do before it gets exasperating. When they do finally show up... It's already awkward from the get-go.
2. They're a No-Show
Picture this: you're meeting this person for the first time, after matching with them on a dating app. You plan out all the specifics beforehand—day, time, location—and now all that's left is to actually show up. You do, but then 15 minutes go by, 20 minutes, half an hour... and the chair on the other side of the table is still empty. Few things are as awkward as when you realize that you've been stood up.
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3. They Don't Ask Questions
Ever had a first date where you're asking all the questions and trying to keep the conversation flowing while the other person doesn't reciprocate at all? Yup, awkward. Sometimes, you're not even asking all those questions because you're all that interested or curious—you just do so because it's polite, and because otherwise you would both be sitting in silence.
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4. They Talk About Their Ex
Getting stood up is awkward, but having your date start spilling to you about their previous relationship? That's capital A awkward. Sure, most of us have exes and maybe even long, complicated relationship histories, but that's no conversation material for a first date.
5. They Talk Way Too Much
You might think a date who talks too much is better than one who doesn't talk at all (which we'll cover next), but think again. When you feel like you can't even get a word in because all they're doing is talking about themselves and their life, it can get annoying.
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6. They Don't Talk at All
But maybe a date who talks too much is still a bit better than one who doesn't utter a word. When you constantly feel like you're pulling teeth trying to wring a reply from someone, it's probably better to save your breath and energy.
7. They Order a Full Dinner
We're not saying that you shouldn't be eating well on a first date, but when you don't yet know whether you'll get along with this person, it's probably best to stick to something small. If you or your date orders a full-sized meal, you'll feel more obligated to stay until you're finished eating—even when the conversation dries up five minutes in.
8. They Look at You When the Bill Comes
Nothing is more awkward than when the bill comes and nobody reaches for their wallet first. Most people think that guys should pay, though some may be okay with going Dutch—splitting the check evenly. Another good rule of thumb is that whoever initiated the date should pay.
9. They Try Going in for the Kiss When You're Not Ready
When a date is already not going so well, nothing is more awkward than when your date tries to kiss you, especially when you're not ready or you don't want it. Having to firmly decline any form of physical contact can make both of you pretty uncomfortable.
10. They Suggest a Second Date
What's even more awkward is when your date says they want to see you again, even though you've already made your decision to never see them again. Sure, you can be straightforward and honest about it, but it only gets more uncomfortable when your date continues to push.
What, then, are some ways you can avoid these awkward moments and the dreaded silence during a date? Don't worry—we've got 10 tips that just might help.
1. Follow Up on Previous Conversations
An easy way to start a keep a conversation going is to pick up where you and your date might have left off previously. If you've been texting for a while before meeting in person, use the topics you've touched on before as natural icebreakers.
2. Put the Phone Away
When you and your date have arrived at the table, put the phone away. Not only is it common decency, but it'll also allow you to keep your full attention on your date. Think about it: if either of you started texting a friend while in mid-conversation, it'll probably be fairly awkward.
3. Find Commonalities
People love talking about what they're passionate about, so lean into that. Try to find similarities between you and your date, then ask follow-up questions from there. Once you establish some commonalities, it'll be easier to keep the conversation flowing.
4. Ask Open-Ended Questions
This is probably obvious, but don't ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Instead, as interesting open-ended questions that prompt longer, more thought-out replies. That way, you'll gain better insight into how they think and what their personality is like.
5. Make Boundaries Clear from the Get-Go
If you're not yet comfortable with intimate contact, make sure to voice your boundaries to your date right from the get-go. This will ensure you don't end up in an awkward place when your date tries to kiss you when you're not ready or you don't want it.
6. Make Intentions Clear from the Get-Go
Another thing you should be making clear from the get-go? Your intentions. Whether you're in it for the long run or you're just looking for something short and sweet, let your date know beforehand. That way, if their intentions don't align with yours, you can both save yourself the trouble later on.
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7. Be a Good Listener
Make sure to practice active listening as well. Maintain good eye contact to show your date that you're paying attention, and ask follow-up questions that relate to what they've been sharing. You might be surprised, but being a good listener is more attractive than you'd think.
8. Avoid Sensitive Topics
Considering it's your first date (and maybe even your first time meeting), you'll want to avoid sensitive topics, like finances, politics, religion, and previous partners. If these subjects do come up in conversation, let them arise naturally—don't bring them up intentionally.
9. Be Honest
Another simple way to avoid awkward silences and moments? Be polite, honest, and your true self. For example, if you're naturally shy and don't tend to talk much, let your date know. That way, they'll understand if they need to carry the conversation and won't mistakenly interpret your quietness as disinterest.
10. Roll with It
And when awkward pauses do happen, let them sit instead of forcing words to fill the space. It's okay to let the conversation breathe, gather your thoughts, and pick it back up after a moment. Sometimes, the more you fight it, the more uncomfortable it feels.
