Weight is a delicate subject. It has been for some time. The majority of us already survived the first bout of dangerous online “advice:” the “thinspiration” people posted on social media, the little jabs your so-called friends made. The only thing that made it all worse was knowing your partner believed those insecurities, too.
However, many argue that there’s a flipside. It isn’t about aesthetics so much as it’s about health, and for a lot of people, there’s a line between a bit of tummy and a noticeable increase. But even if your heart’s in the right place, is there ever a good way to bring up weight loss? Will your beau understand, or are you just more shallow than you thought? Let’s explore both sides of the coin.
So, Should They Break Up With You?
The court of public opinion often deems the request an immediate red flag. The thing is, they might just be on to something. It’s not that you’re a bad person for asking; it’s that you likely aren’t considering the deeper issues.
Plenty of external factors cause weight gain—anything from a stressful work environment to new medications can cause a few added pounds. You have to evaluate your communication. Do you have deep conversations that encourage vulnerability, or have you just asked them to lose weight? Think about it: imagine that you’re going through a tough time, and on top of everything else, your partner tells you to lose a few. You’d feel pretty lousy, too.
When you get to the root of a problem, you not only build a deeper connection with your partner, but you also don’t pile on any insecurities, even if you didn’t mean to. Speak with them and see if anything’s going on beneath the surface. The last thing you want is for them to feel alone.
Reopening Old Wounds
People can tell when they’ve gained weight. Others have been overweight their whole lives, which usually means they’ve experienced their fair share of bullying. Either way, when partners mention weight loss, it could easily open a can of worms that rehash deep-rooted insecurities.
Many women also go through hormonal changes and experience permanent postpartum changes. If you ask your wife to lose weight a few months after she has a baby…then yeah, that’s not a good look. It’s the same thing with hardworking husbands—an 80-hour work week doesn’t leave much time for the gym.
It’s also important to remember that the average 60-year-old doesn’t look like the average 20-year-old. The longer you’re together, the more you’ll experience physical changes, and it’s not fair for either of you to put that kind of pressure on the other.
You’re In It Together
Weight loss really depends on how you approach it! You can do it as a team, working to cook healthier dishes at home and going on daily walks together. Accomplishing those goals as a unit is better for both of you, and it helps keep you on track, too. It also lets your partner know that you’re not any less attracted to them or judging them for their lifestyle.
What you say is also important. It’s one thing to discuss a loved one’s health and another to flatly demand change. There’s nothing wrong with a little gentle encouragement, but if you go out of your way to hurt someone, it looks less like you care and more like you just want a “hot” partner.
Never forget that all this is something you can do together! We could all stand to be a little healthier, and squeezing in more daily steps is just another way to spend quality time with someone. You could even make it more fun with dance classes or rock climbing sessions. The most important thing is that your partner knows you care and that you still love them.
