Quit Psyching Yourself Out
Flirting is hard enough for the average person, but for anyone battling butterflies, those suave moves can feel like a nightmare. Well, we have good news—a little awkwardness never hurt anybody, especially with our tips on how to navigate your nerves! Let's explore a few easy-peasy techniques to try before your next big date.
1. Use the Apps
Flirting is tough face-to-face, even for the “veterans.” A good way to build rapport with someone is through a dating app. You can make jokes or get to know someone better, all from the comfort of your own space.
2. Lightly Joke
Gentle teasing or lighthearted jokes can break the ice in no time! They cut through any first-meeting tension, and can easily reveal who has a good sense of humor. It’s a good way to show off your personality, better gauge theirs, and soften the mood.
3. Smile at Them
Never underestimate the power of a dazzling smile. Whether it’s from across the room or throughout your conversation, show off those pearly whites to let them know you're interested. It’s a telltale sign that you’re locked into the conversation, and it's something can achieve.
4. Make Eye Contact
You don’t want to gawk at them across the bar, but making eyes is a good way to grab someone’s attention. This underrated move also welcomes in your award-winning smile! If you’re in a conversation, be sure to make eye contact as well to let them know you’re fully engaged.
5. Active Listening
If you have a hard time knowing what to say, practice active listening instead. Asking follow-up questions or inquiring further into their lives passes the floor to them, giving you a chance to relax a bit while they fill you in. It's also a strong way to show that you're legitimately interested, not just asking base-level questions.
Matheus Câmara da Silva on Unsplash
6. Lean Into Them
You want to read the room before you try this move, but don't count it out! However, if you’re in a crowded space and things are going well, lean in a little. It’s subtle, but it physically shows interest when you're too tongue-tied to admit attraction.
7. Gentle Touches
You may not be the best at conversation, but touching their arm sends flirtatious messages, too. As with any physical contact, it's important to respect any boundaries and read their body language before pressing forward. But if they seem into you, a light touch helps set the groundwork.
8. Heartfelt Compliments
Everyone loves a compliment, mostly the person you’re flirting with. Sure, you can praise their outfit or their perfume, but genuine compliments think outside the box. Focus on something genuine, like the sound of their laugh or their sense of humor. A great comment not only gets the ball rolling, it also shows just how attracted you are to the real them—not something superficial.
9. Own Your Nerves
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just own who you are. If you’re anxious, be honest about who you are! If you're a good sport, you can even poke fun at the little things you do when you're nervous. If you’re confident in your quirks, it can come off as endearing.
10. Give Your Number
Giving out your number is a classic move, but it’s also especially helpful for shy people. If you're ready to finally move off of the dreaded dating apps, texting someone is the next step. Your personality can shine through, you don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself, and it helps calm your nerves before you meet them.
11. Get Out of Your Head
An awkward misstep isn’t the dealbreaker you think it is. Chances are, people won’t remember or see it as the catastrophe you believe it to be. It's only when you dwell on an uncomfortable moment that it becomes awkward; quick recoveries reveal a lot about your personality.
Micah & Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash
12. Don't Go Overboard
Whatever techniques you read about or learned from a friend, don’t overdo it. Good conversation flows naturally, even if you are a bit nervous, so there’s no need to go overboard. Remember: following techniques exactly can be even more jarring, especially because it reads like a script.
13. Keep it Casual
A good way to flirt naturally is to simply chatt with them. Don’t follow a step-by-step guide in your head; let the conversation flow naturally and speak with them like an old pal. Setting the mental scene ahead of time can ease your jitters—after all, you're just speaking with a friend!
Dominic Kurniawan Suryaputra on Unsplash
14. Find Common Ground
Finding common ground allows you to open up, making the experience less like flirting and more like bonding. Do you two enjoy the same movies? Do you have the same hobbies? Are they interested in something you've never heard of before? Ask them about it to see if you'd be willing to try it!
15. Show Genuine Interest
When you actually listen, people notice and appreciate it. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, and be sure to ask follow-up questions. In a world filled with false pretences and the same old story, you'll stand out by being one of the good ones.
16. Fake It
It’s easier said than done, but sometimes, the only way people come out of their shells is to fake it. You may not be the most confident person in the room, but holding your head high and believing in yourself shows others that you aren’t sweating bullets…even if you are.
17. Open-Ended Questions
When you ask open-ended questions, you allow the other person to keep the conversation going. The more you learn about them, the easier it’ll be for you to speak with them, allowing an ebb and flow rather than a one-sided discussion.
18. Ask Their Opinion
Getting their opinion on something is a simple way to open the conversation. What do they think of the bar you’re in? Do they prefer wine bars or dive bars—and why? You don't need to turn the date into an interview, but getting their opinion leads to all kinds of conversations!
19. Mirror Movement
Flirting is a delicate dance, but a good way to match the other person’s energy is to mirror them. Match a gentle touch on the arm or make jokes if you notice they're on the goofy side. While you don't want to match every movement, mirroring someone can help coax you out of your shell.
20. Practice Makes Perfect
Practice flirting sounds a little silly, but it’s actually a useful resource! Of course, it helps to have some back-and-forth with an actual person, so recruit a friend to help you before your next big date. If you're too nervous for an actual person, remember that you can always practice flirting via text.
