The Good Wife
What does it mean to be a good wife? Does it entail doing all the chores, wearing makeup every day, or deferring to the decisions of whoever makes more? Everyone’s definition varies, but there are some things no wife should feel pressured into doing. Of course, lots of wives do this anyway out of love, but there’s a line between affection and obligation. How many wives can relate to the things on this list?
1. Keep the Family Together
When kids are involved, both partners in a relationship can feel pressured to keep things together for the sake of the kids. However, most kids actually suffer from seeing a bad relationship more than having two separate parents. Either way, nobody, including a wife, should feel pressured into keeping the family together if that means forgiving heinous acts or creating a toxic space.
2. Doing All the Housework
The traditional wife archetype often includes things like raising children, cooking dinner, and taking on the brunt of the chores. However, in modern times, it’s common for both partners to work, which means both partners should divide up other responsibilities. Of course, a housewife may want to take on at-home tasks if her husband is the only one working. Nonetheless, a relationship is a partnership, so it’s up to the couple to organize responsibilities fairly.
3. Always Smile
In some relationships, one partner might have a high-stress job or might just expect their partner to lighten the mood and provide positivity. Oftentimes, women are seen as the positive ones, the ones who should be smiling and making things okay. There’s an idea that no man wants to go home to an unhappy wife. But the reality is that women shouldn’t feel pressured to always put on a happy face if they’re struggling with something.
4. Playing Therapist
It’s a sad reality that a lot of men feel emotionally isolated and often don’t have anyone to talk to deeply until they meet their partners. This can put a lot of pressure on women, especially wives, to be a therapist to their husbands. Of course, this is something they might want to do anyway because they care, but it can get draining and exhausting if it’s a constant thing.
5. Suppressing Opinions
Sometimes women are expected to keep the peace in the household. This might mean biting their tongue in front of their mother-in-law or defaulting to the husband when the kids ask questions. This is fine to do sometimes, but no wife should feel pressured to stay silent when it’s eating her up inside.
6. Follow the Leader
In some relationships, the man can take on a leadership role and may expect his wife to follow his example and default to his judgment. This essentially means he might have final say on where they live, who they hang out with, and so on. This is fine if that’s what both partners want, but no wife should feel she has to play second fiddle, especially when lots of men are happy with equal partnerships or even letting the woman lead.
7. Quitting Their Job
This is an important conversation to have early on, as lots of women are blindsided when their husbands expect them to quit their job after giving birth. Some cultures and couples believe strongly that the woman must take on the caretaker role and put everything else aside, while others might feel it’s important for the woman to balance a career with family. Either way, no woman should feel pressured to quit if she doesn’t want to.
The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash
8. Playing Administrator
Some women find themselves acting as administrator for both their own and their family’s lives. This might mean remembering birthdays, handling school forms, managing grocery lists, and keeping track of tax receipts. These administrative tasks can take a mental load, and in a partnership, no one should have to do it alone.
9. Having Children
A lot of couples break up due to differences in desire for children, which is totally okay. This is an integral incompatibility, and no one should try to change the minds of others. With that in mind, having children is a deeply personal choice, and no wife should feel pressured into having them if she doesn’t want to. Think of it this way: if you have kids because you feel obligated, they’re going to have a mom who didn’t want them, and that can take a toll.
10. Parenting Right
Husbands aside, even entire families can put pressure on a woman, especially when it comes to raising kids. It’s not unheard of for parents or parents-in-law to try to control the way a wife raises her kids. This could range from guilt to getting overtly involved, so don’t be afraid to set boundaries.
11. Making Sacrifices
No partner, woman or man, should feel pressured into sacrificing major parts of their life or identity to appease one another. This could range from giving up healthy friends, hobbies, or even their job. Sometimes in life, an opportunity might present itself, like a job abroad, and for your partner to pursue it, you might have to give up something to move. Just be sure to have open conversations and don’t do anything that will make you resent the other.
12. Fear of Divorce
Many people stay in relationships because of the stigma surrounding divorce. They’re worried their friends might see them as quitters or may be worried they’ll never find someone again. None of these reasons is good enough to justify a life of unhappiness, so don’t stick around because you feel you have to.
13. Intimacy
No partner should ever feel pressured into intimacy. But at the same time, it’s important to openly discuss expectations in the bedroom. Be sure to check in with one another to make sure needs are being met in a healthy and fun way.
14. Pretending in Public
Some wives may be expected to put on a façade in public. For instance, you might be in the middle of an argument or situation, but you have to bottle up stress and sadness to give the illusion of a perfect relationship. The reality is that no relationship is perfect, and it’s okay to be human and let your feelings show.
15. Apologize First
It’s normal for couples to take turns apologizing to one another or having conversations to understand and address topics of argument. But if you find yourself always being the one to apologize, then it might be because you feel pressured to. If the argument doesn’t end until you apologize every time, then there’s something wrong here.
16. Financial Dependence
Oftentimes in a relationship, the person with more financial input has more control over the relationship. For instance, if one partner has the house, they’ll probably decide how it’s decorated. Or if one partner has the high-end job, you’ll probably end up moving wherever their boss needs them to. That’s all fine, but you shouldn’t feel you have to do everything a person says just because they make more than you.
17. Giving Up Passions
As previously discussed, there are opportunities in life that might require one partner to make sacrifices. Giving up careers and friends is one thing but giving up a passion can also be devastating. If you love a certain art or hobby that your partner dismisses, you might feel guilted into stopping. But don’t let somebody else make those decisions for you and try to have a conversation instead.
18. Hosting Obligations
Sometimes your partner might bring some friends back from work or decide to host boys’ night at your house. That’s fine, but if they’re constantly springing things up, or if you’re too busy to host, they should understand and maybe give a little more notice. Don’t feel obligated to entertain if you don’t want to.
19. Looking a Certain Way
Some women dread the thought of their husband losing attraction, and might spend every day doing their hair, putting on makeup, and wearing uncomfortable clothes around the house. That can be quite exhausting and can also make you feel like you offer little other than your appearance. No one should feel pressured to look a certain way: after all, beauty fades.
20. Following Rules
In lots of relationships, religion, culture, and even traditions can have a big impact on marital rules. For instance, some women might have to dress a certain way, while others might have to keep certain objects in the house. This is all fine if both partners have discussed it and are on the same page. But if you aren’t comfortable with these rules, don’t feel pressured to give in to ultimatums, and have a conversation instead.
