What Research Says About Attraction
Most dating advice comes from friends or gets picked up from movies. People learn to play it cool and look for partners who balance them out, often without questioning whether those rules work. Researchers have tested many of these assumptions, and the findings don't always agree with conventional wisdom. Here are 20 that challenge what people think they know about attraction.
Land O'Lakes, Inc. on Unsplash
1. Opposites Rarely Attract
Partners matched on 82 to 89 percent of the traits measured in a 2023 analysis of 199 studies and roughly 80,000 couples in the UK. Political views overlapped heavily, with a correlation of 0.58. Opposites appeared on only about 3 percent of traits, and only in one part of the analysis.
2. Beauty Judgments Overlap Across Cultures
People tend to agree on which faces are attractive, even when they come from different cultures. A 2000 review of earlier research found that beauty judgments were surprisingly consistent, and a later study comparing Scottish and South African participants reached similar conclusions. The researchers also found that familiarity mattered, with people showing less agreement when judging faces they had less exposure to.
3. Your Checklist Doesn't Predict Who You'll Like
People who ranked attractiveness or earning potential highest in a 2008 speed-dating study were no more drawn to dates who scored high on those traits. The stated gender differences, with women stressing earnings and men stressing looks, vanished after the dates. Later research suggests ideals matter over years, since people whose partners had more of the traits they valued rated them higher and divorced less.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
4. Seeing Someone Often Raises Liking
In a 1992 study, four women with similar appearances attended a college lecture anywhere from zero to fifteen times, without ever speaking to the students. When the class later rated their photos, the woman who had attended most often was judged the most attractive. The one who had never appeared received the lowest rating, suggesting that simply seeing someone regularly can make them more appealing.
5. Selective Interest Beat Playing Hard to Get
Playing hard to get doesn't necessarily make someone more attractive. Five experiments in a 1973 study found no advantage to seeming unavailable, though a sixth showed that men preferred a woman who seemed interested in them but not in other men. A 2013 study found that people preferred someone moderately available for dating and relationships, while greater availability was more appealing for casual sex.
6. Average Faces Rate as Attractive
Computer-blended faces were rated more attractive than almost all of the individual faces used to make them. A 1990 study reported that blends built from more faces scored higher still. The authors proposed that people prefer features near the population average.
7. People Underestimate How Much Others Like Them
People in a 2018 set of studies underestimated how much their partners had enjoyed talking with them after conversations ranging from about 2 to 45 minutes. The shortfall held for strangers in a lab and lasted much of the school year among dormmates. The researchers pointed to people being harsher on themselves than on others.
8. Where You Live Shapes Who You Befriend
Residents of a university housing project became friends more often with the neighbor next door than with someone farther down the same floor. Apartments sharing a stairway tended to produce friendships more often than equally distant ones that did not. The 1950 study separated raw distance from how often a layout makes people cross paths, and crossing paths mattered more.
9. Direct Openers Beat Clever Ones
Clever pickup lines aren't necessarily the best way to get someone's attention. A 1986 study found that students preferred straightforward approaches and simple conversation starters over cheesy one-liners, which women rated especially poorly. A 2020 study reached a similar conclusion, finding that men generally favored direct approaches from women, though playful lines sometimes worked better when the woman was considered less attractive.
10. Looks Can Matter More Than Personality on a First Date
At a 1966 college dance, students were randomly paired and asked afterward how much they liked their dates. Physical attractiveness turned out to be the strongest predictor of romantic interest, regardless of how attractive the students themselves were. Personality and intelligence scores made little difference, while better-looking dates were more likely to be asked out again.
11. Sharing Personal Details Raises Liking
People who shared intimate details were liked more than people who stayed on the surface. A 1994 review of earlier research reported that people opened up more to those they liked and came to like those they had opened up to. The authors described one dynamic system, with each effect feeding the others.
12. Fear Can Be Mistaken for Attraction
A 1974 study found that men who met a female researcher on a high suspension bridge were more likely to call her afterward than those who met her on a lower bridge. About 39% of the first group called, compared with just 9% of the second. Researchers suggested that the men may have mistaken their fear for attraction, though the study couldn't prove that was the reason.
13. Similarity on Paper Matters Less After You Meet
Having things in common can make someone more attractive, but that changes as people get to know each other. A 2008 review found that actual similarities mattered most before people interacted and became less important afterward. In established relationships, they showed no clear link to attraction.
14. 36 Questions Created Closeness in Strangers
A 1997 experiment had strangers spend about 45 minutes taking turns on 36 increasingly personal questions, and they felt closer than pairs assigned small talk. The researchers cautioned that the exercise does not create commitment or passion. Retellings that promise love in an evening go beyond what the study measured.
Matheus Câmara da Silva on Unsplash
15. Smiling Didn't Help Men in One Study
More than 1,000 adults in a 2011 study rated the sexual attractiveness of images showing different emotional expressions. Women in that study were least drawn to smiling, happy men and preferred men who looked proud and powerful or moody and ashamed. Men were most drawn to women who looked happy and least drawn to women who looked proud.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
16. Questionnaires Couldn't Predict Who Would Click
A computer algorithm given hundreds of questionnaire answers from about 350 speed daters could tell who was generally popular, such as the physically attractive. In the 2017 study, it could not predict which specific pairs would click, and its predictions of mutual matches did no better than guessing.
17. More Options Push People Toward Snap Judgments
The more potential partners people meet, the more they tend to judge by appearance. A 2010 study of 84 speed-dating events found that participants at larger events focused more on easily noticed traits like height and weight. At smaller events, they paid more attention to things like education and smoking habits.
18. Photos and Live Meetings Draw on Different Preferences
What people say they find attractive doesn't always match who interests them in person. A 2011 study found that stated preferences for looks predicted attraction to people in photographs, but not to those met face to face. Quick, instinctive responses measured through reaction-time tests were better predictors of attraction during real meetings, suggesting that gut feelings can matter more than conscious preferences.
19. Idealizing a Partner Tends to Help
Seeing a partner through rose-colored glasses isn't always a bad thing. A 1996 study found that married couples who viewed each other more favorably enjoyed their time together more, even during difficult periods. Over the following year, people also began to see themselves more like their partners saw them, suggesting that a flattering opinion can sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
20. People Don't Necessarily Look Better at Closing Time
The idea that everyone looks more attractive after a few drinks has some research behind it, but the evidence is mixed. A 1979 study found that bar patrons rated faces more favorably later in the evening. However, a 2015 study of 311 people in three British pubs found no such effect.
