Your Flirting Skills Need Some Work
Some people can strike up a conversation with a stranger without thinking twice, while others struggle to get a simple compliment out. Despite thinking that we’d all charm someone like they do in the movies, flirting is an art, and it’s a lot harder to master than silver-screen heartthrobs make it look. From painfully awkward conversations to embarrassing pickup lines, there are plenty of ways to ruin an otherwise promising interaction—and we’re here to break down all the ways you’re probably doing it.
1. You Turn Everything Into an Interview
Asking someone questions is a great way to show interest, and it’s an even better way to get to know them. But there's a difference between getting to know someone and interrogating them. Good flirting involves sharing a little about yourself, too, so don’t just lob the ball to them and wait for them to answer.
2. You Give Backhanded Compliments
Telling someone they're attractive is usually a good start…until you sneak in an insult. Comments like "You look pretty good for your age" or "You're weirdly hot without makeup" aren't as flattering as you might think. When someone has to decide whether you've complimented or offended them, your approach needs work.
3. You Laugh at Everything
A little laughter can make a conversation feel comfortable, but nervous giggling after every sentence gets old pretty quickly. Someone could mention that their car broke down, and you'd still find yourself chuckling because you don't know how else to respond. Some people can’t help it, but it’s a good thing to be aware of.
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4. You Keep Bringing Up Your Ex
How many times do people have to mention how much they hate this? Forget about your ex! Few things discourage romantic interest faster than repeatedly mentioning someone you used to date.
5. You Try Too Hard to Sound Impressive
There's nothing wrong with accomplishments, but flirting shouldn't include a breakdown of every little thing you’re proud of. Casually mentioning your salary or an impressive job title comes across as arrogant. Worst of all, it’s all moot—most women don’t care what kind of watch you wear.
6. You Rehearse Every Conversation
It makes sense to sit down and practice what you’re going to say. But what about the other person? They didn’t know there was a script, so you can’t prepare for everything. The result is often a strangely disconnected exchange that feels far less natural than just speaking your mind.
7. Your Teasing Sounds Mean
Playful teasing is more than fine, so long as the other person isn’t actually getting attacked. Making fun of someone's height, clothing, or laugh isn't charming when you've only known them for a few minutes. If your crush suddenly gets defensive, there's a good chance your jokes aren't landing.
8. You Never Recognize Discomfort
Flirting isn’t all smirking and buying people drinks. It also requires paying attention to how another person responds, especially when they aren't having a good time. Someone repeatedly checking their phone, turning away, or giving short answers might be trying to end the conversation politely.
9. You Accidentally Insult Yourself
Being humble is one thing, but constantly criticizing yourself? That can make flirting unnecessarily uncomfortable. You really ought to refrain from comments like "I'm probably too boring for you" or "You'd never actually date someone like me.” All that does is put the other person in the position of having to reassure you.
10. You Rely on Terrible Pickup Lines
Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten we see! Look, some cheesy lines work precisely because they're ridiculous, but delivering them seriously can produce bad results. Unless the other person shares your appreciation for cheesy humor, you're better off with a normal greeting.
11. You Agree With Everything They Say
Contrary to popular belief, no one likes a yes-man, especially in dating. You’ve only just met, and suddenly you're claiming to love country music, horror movies, and marathon running despite actually hating all three. People appreciate someone with a personality of their own.
12. You Get Too Personal Too Quickly
Asking intensely personal questions can make someone uncomfortable—as they should! Bringing up their marriage plans or financial situation within minutes of meeting isn't everyone's idea of an enjoyable conversation. Romantic connections benefit from allowing that stuff to emerge naturally.
13. You Turn Every Conversation Into a Competition
Someone mentions that they recently visited Italy, and you immediately explain how you've traveled to twelve different countries. When they mention getting a promotion at work, you respond with an even more impressive story. Love isn’t a race to the finish line. Instead of making them feel appreciated, you're just showing that one-upping them is more important to you.
14. You’re Different Around Attractive People
Your friends know you as a relaxed, funny person, but something strange happens whenever you spot someone you're attracted to. All of a sudden, you're exaggerating your interests or adopting an entirely different personality. Unfortunately, trying to become what you imagine someone wants only makes you less genuine.
15. You Don't Know How to Accept a Compliment
It’s one thing to be humble. It’s another to shoot down every kind word. When someone tells you that you have beautiful eyes, your immediate response shouldn’t be that they’re wrong. Not to mention, constantly rejecting compliments can make the other person reluctant to offer another one.
16. You Send Impossible Messages
Sending nothing except "hey," "lol," or a random emoji doesn't give someone much to work with. Don’t expect your crush to recognize those as invitations to talk. If anything, they'll grow tired of carrying conversations that you keep starting without contributing anything meaningful.
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17. You Make Everything Sound Suggestive
There's a time and place for naughty humor, so turning everything into an innuendo is not only weird, but it’s also immature. Rather than creating any romantic tension, this habit just convinces them that you can't hold a normal discussion without making things gross.
18. You Pretend Not to Care
Some people think that the best way to attract someone is to act aloof and make them chase. Yeah, maybe 30 years ago. Nowadays, women spot that a mile away, and they’ll just leave you on read.
19. You Bring Your Friends Into Everything
Relying on your friends to handle romantic interactions is rather juvenile. You shouldn’t ask a mutual friend to find out whether someone likes you, and you definitely shouldn’t encourage your entire group to watch while you approach your crush. We’re not in high school anymore!
20. You Never Actually Make a Move
Sometimes, the biggest problem isn't saying something embarrassing—it’s failing to express yourself at all. If you never suggest getting coffee or don’t swap phone numbers because you're terrified of rejection, what’s the other person supposed to do? Respecting boundaries is essential, but there's nothing wrong with politely testing the waters.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
