10 Signs You're An Emotional Shut-Downer & 10 Strategies To Stop Stonewalling
Feeling Numb?
Shutting down emotionally can feel like protection, but over time, it erodes trust and negatively affects your relationships and well-being. Communicating feelings is tough for anyone, but bottling up your emotions can only lead to tension and the potential of boiling over, hurting those you love. That's why it's important to address the problem and develop coping strategies. Here are 10 signs you're an emotional shut-downer and how to stop stonewalling.
1. Irritability
Feeling irritable is a common side effect of emotionally shutting down. Instead of addressing your feelings, they boil over from small, insignificant things.
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2. Avoiding Emotional Situations
You're so against showing your feelings that it feels more natural for you to avoid emotional situations altogether. Instead of letting go of your feelings, you'll repress them by refusing to engage.
3. Physically Withdrawing
To avoid showing your feelings, you'll physically withdraw from situations that could potentially trigger them. You'll walk away or leave the room, shutting yourself off.
4. Difficulty Opening Up
Emotional stonewallers have difficulty opening up, even to those they're closest to. You'll deflect from emotional conversations by changing the subject to avoid being vulnerable.
5. Muscle Tension
People who emotionally shut down are prone to physical symptoms, too. Stonewallers commonly feel tension from all their built-up bottled emotions in their muscles.
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6. Fatigue
Never offloading your emotions makes you feel heavy and tired. People who are emotional shut-downers commonly feel fatigued, especially during times of hardship.
7. Reluctance To Apologize
Emotional stonewallers commonly feel reluctant to apologize, partially because it's a show of vulnerability and empathy. They also may not have grown up in an environment where apologies were modeled.
8. Giving The Silent Treatment
People who feel overwhelmed by emotions use silence as an escape route. They may also have trouble communicating their feelings, and saying nothing has become a default response.
9. Avoiding Eye Contact
Eye contact is an intimate act, but for stonewallers, it can feel too vulnerable or confrontational. Eye contact is one of the first things to go when they start shutting down physically.
10. Engaging In Numbing Behaviors
Behaviors like engaging in drugs, alcohol, overeating, or oversleeping are all forms of numbing feelings, whether consciously done or not. They're forms of distractions that you could easily find yourself abusing.
Now that we've talked about some of the common behaviors of emotional stonewallers, let's go over some of the ways you can address them.
1. Journal
One of the best coping mechanisms for emotionally shutting down is journaling. Even if you don't feel ready to open up to another human, writing down your feelings can help you feel more connected to them.
2. Therapy
If you find that your tendency to shut down emotionally is affecting your relationships, you may want to consider getting professional help from a counselor or therapist. They can help you understand the underlying causes and develop effective coping strategies.
3. Identify Your Triggers
The first step in tackling the problem is understanding what triggers you. Pay attention to situations or words that make you want to retreat so you can prepare for them.
4. Label Your Feelings
Labeling your emotions helps you tame them by turning them into something concrete, making them manageable instead of overwhelming. It also builds self-awareness and improves your communication.
5. Pause & Breathe
Something as simple as taking a pause and a breath before checking out can do wonders for your communication and emotional management. Taking slow, deep breaths has a tangible calming effect on your nervous system.
6. Set Boundaries
Telling someone you need ten minutes to process before talking is totally legitimate. These kinds of healthy boundaries can help build trust and understanding in your relationships.
7. Practice Being Vulnerable
Practice vulnerability in a low-stakes setting with someone you trust. This can be as simple as saying you felt happy today or you felt sad. This will help you be more prepared in situations when it matters.
8. Express Yourself In Small Steps
As an emotional shut-downer, it feels completely unnatural to open up about your feelings, so start small. Just share one phrase about your feelings and go from there.
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9. Understand The Cause
The inclination to shut down usually comes from stress or trauma. It can be because the adults in your life didn't respond well to your emotions when you were younger. Understanding the cause can help you develop effective coping strategies.
10. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care practices like mindfulness activities and exercise can help by relieving built-up tension. Self-care reconnects you with yourself after you've emotionally detached.
