Goodbye Toxic Masculinity: 20 Tips For Raising Emotionally Intelligent Boys
Don't Let Your Boys Turn Into Toxic Men
Are you a parent of boys? You might think there's no way they'll turn into toxic men. After all, they're adorable little boys with a healthy household, and society isn't like that anymore anyway. Unfortunately, that's not quite true. Toxic masculinity is all around us, in the media, and at school, whether or not you're doing all the right things at home. Fortunately, there's more, as parents, that you can be doing to encourage your boys to show empathy, communicate effectively, and have healthy emotions. Once these lessons are hammered in, they'll be better equipped to ignore that toxic noise they'll no doubt encounter at some point in their lives. Here are 20 tips for raising boys with high EQs.
1. Practice Naming Feelings
When you label your feelings instead of just stewing in them, it helps the brain switch out of fight-or-flight mode and into a more constructive problem-solving mode. Start teaching them emotional vocabulary early so they can start taming their emotions through words.
2. Practice Positive Discipline
Positive discipline involves using mutual respect and kindness to teach your kids what they should do, instead of focusing on what they shouldn't do. It fosters self-control, problem-solving, and decision-making.
3. Show Empathy
That old saying "Boys don't cry" is so last century and so toxic. Be empathic towards your child's feelings instead of being annoyed or angry to show him that it's okay to feel things.
4. Teach Coping Skills
Instead of making him feel bad about his emotions, focus on teaching coping mechanisms. This will help turn those tantrums and big feelings into something more manageable.
5. Encourage Emotional Expression
Boys often learn to bottle their emotions early, and this can lead to a lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and the ability to express feelings later in life. Encourage emotional expression by modeling it and having them as part of conversations early in your boy's life.
6. Actively Listen
Never act annoyed or impatient when your child tries to tell you how he's feeling. Actively listening is important for validating his feelings, showing mutual respect, and understanding him better.
7. Encourage Open Communication
Open communication is a game-changer for raising emotionally healthy kids. It builds trust, encourages honesty, strengthens your bond, and helps your kid understand himself.
8. Validate Feelings
The first step to helping him manage his feelings is to validate them, even the unpleasant, big ones. Once he validates them, then he can understand them and tame them.
9. Model Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the deep sense of care and vulnerability between two people that comes from communicating openly and treating each other with respect and compassion. Model this behavior in your relationships so your child has an example.
10. Teach Empathy
Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It creates understanding, strong relationships, and a more positive environment. Teach empathy by encouraging your child to engage in acts of kindness, explore the roots of unkind behavior, and model it yourself by actively listening and showing compassion.
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11. Create A Safe Space For Sharing
Let him know he won't be punished, teased, or dismissed for expressing his feelings. Create a safe space between you and him by making room for him to talk, giving him time, and showing compassion. With this safe space intact, he'll know he can always come to you when he's troubled or upset.
12. Celebrate Compassion
A great way to foster empathy is to celebrate acts of kindness and compassion just as you would his achievements. This shows how highly these things are valued and encourages him to be a caring person.
13. Encourage Creative Expression
Creative activities provide a safe space for us to express ourselves in some form, even when they're hard to articulate, providing an outlet for our feelings. This ultimately leads to greater emotional awareness and regulation.
14. Talk About Consent & Boundaries Early
Make your boys grow up into chivalrous, respectful gentlemen by teaching consent and boundaries from an early age. Do this by saying no confidently and teaching your kids to do the same, role-playing different scenarios, and having small, ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about consent.
15. Model Healthy Emotional Expression
The best way to teach your kids is to lead by example. You can't expect your kids to have mastery over their emotions unless you do, but also, being emotional, crying in front of them when you're sad, and being upset sometimes shows them it's a natural part of being human.
16. Don't Use Shame Or Guilt To Teach Lessons
Boys feeling ashamed about their own emotions is the backbone of toxic masculinity. Don't perpetuate this unhealthiness. Teach lessons through positive means as opposed to making your children feel guilty for doing the wrong thing or showing the wrong emotion.
17. Use Books & Stories
Books and stories are a great way to package ideas and lessons in a format they can understand and enjoy. Choose stories where the characters experience complex emotions to spark a conversation about what they might be feeling and why.
18. Respect His Need For Space
Sometimes it takes boys longer to open up, and they may push you away at first. Be patient and let him take the space he needs to process his emotions.
19. Challenge Gender Stereotypes Early
Challenging gender stereotypes doesn't necessarily mean encouraging him to play with dolls and his sister to play with monster trucks (though if they want to, why not?). It's making it clear that strength is in vulnerability, and caring, listening, and expressing emotions aren't girly, but just human.
20. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Asking open-ended questions like "What was the hardest part of your day?" encourages self-awareness and improves communication skills. By asking your child open-ended questions, you encourage him to reflect, analyze his emotions, and put them into words.
