Because Childhood Is Basically a Constant Tug-of-War
Kids break rules, this goes without saying. Pushing the boundaries is half the fun of being a kid. A sibling’s locked diary practically begs to be opened, a fresh coat of paint is too enticing not to touch, and the wrapped gift hidden in the closet might as well be shouting their name. For all the rule-breaking, children also surprise us by occasionally choosing the straight and narrow without any encouragement, and even softly reprimand us when we ourselves slip up. Let’s look at 10 reasons why children break the rules and 10 reasons why they’re often inclined to follow them.
1. Curiosity
Rules make something forbidden. When something is forbidden, it instantly becomes more fascinating. Tell a child not to peek under the bed, and suddenly under the bed is the only place worth looking. It’s not malice; it’s an instinct of discovery.
2. Testing Boundaries
Breaking rules is often about figuring out where the boundaries actually are. A five-year-old won’t believe that climbing that fence isn’t in their best interest until they’ve been left dangling from the top once or twice. It’s a kind of research, in its own childish, scraped-knee kind of way.
3. Attention Seeking
Sometimes kids break the rules just to get your attention. A slammed door or some artwork scribbled on the wall can be a cry to be noticed. It’s not always conscious on their part, but it’s worth noting.
4. Boredom
When there’s nothing to keep them occupied or entertained, rules become like a line of dominoes begging to be tipped. No running in the hallway? Time to sprint back and forth. Bathtime at eight? Time to stage a coup at seven-fifty-nine.
5. Peer Pressure
Children are natural copycats and will imitate those around them, good or bad. If one kid dares to jump off the swing set backward, the rest will follow. Rules break faster in groups, especially when laughter is involved and no adults are present.
6. Independence
Breaking a rule can feel like planting a flag and claiming your autonomy. A young child doesn’t always want to be beholden to their parents, and sometimes they rebel in unexpected ways—like eating ten marshmallows at once.
7. Lack of Understanding
Sometimes rules get broken simply because they don’t make sense yet to a young, developing mind. “Don’t touch the stove” doesn’t carry much weight until the concept of heat—or even a burn—is fully grasped. Until reality steps in with a hard-learned lesson, rules are just abstract lines in the sand.
8. Impulse
Children live in the immediate now and don’t often take the moment to reflect on the consequences of their actions. If the crayon is in hand and the wall is blank, the rule against drawing there disappears in the rush of the moment. Self-control develops later; until then, impulse runs the show and parents end up cleaning up the mess.
9. Experimentation With Consequences
Breaking a rule is a way to test what happens next. Will Mom get mad? Will Dad laugh? Will nothing happen at all? A child is, in many ways, a blank slate experiencing life for the first time. Every reaction becomes data for future choices.
10. Because It’s Fun
Sometimes the answer is as simple as joy. Running where you’re not supposed to run, whispering in class, sneaking candy—all of it is thrilling in the moment, particularly when you know that your mischief-making is against the rules.
And now, here are 10 reasons why children might naturally be predisposed toward following the rules.
1. Structure and Security
On the flip side, kids often cling to rules because they give the world shape. Bedtime means safety, routine, and the comforting rhythm of life. Following a system of rules can give the chaos of everyday life some much-needed structure.
2. Earning Approval
Children crave that nod, that smile, that “good job” from their parent or guardian. Following the rules is a surefire way to get this praise, and most children learn this early on as a form of positive reinforcement. Think of the kid who cleans up their toys without being asked, just to see your face light up.
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3. Fear of Consequences
Sometimes the deterrent works when logic fails to convince a child that something isn’t in their best interest. A child who’s seen a sibling punished for breaking a rule will think twice about doing the same. Fear is a powerful motivator, even if it’s just fear of losing screen time.
4. Desire to Belong
Rules often mark membership and create a sense of camaraderie and belonging. In class, everyone raises their hand or sits in their assigned spot. On a team, everyone waits their turn. Following the rule is a way of demonstrating that you’re an active participant in a community undertaking.
5. Internalized Morality
Kids absorb the language of right and wrong early on in life. A parent who articulates things like, “We don’t hit” or “We say thank you,” is giving their child a moral framework to guide them. They repeat these rules to themselves internally, often with fierce conviction. Ever been corrected by a five-year-old about table manners? It’s humbling.
6. Clear Rewards
Positive reinforcement can work wonders. Whether it’s gold stickers or an ice cream cone, these little rewards make a child feel appreciated for doing the right thing. Following the rules sometimes comes with perks, and kids are quick to notice when the payoff is sweet—literally or figuratively.
7. Trust in Authority
For many children, adults are their moral compass in their bewildering formative years. If a teacher or parent says something is a rule, it feels natural to follow. Until proven otherwise, authority equals truth.
8. Habit
When you follow a set of rules often enough, they often become automatic. You don’t even need to think about washing your hands before eating; you do it automatically. These acts stop being rules and start being rhythms.
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9. Pride in Responsibility
Kids feel mature when they follow rules meant for “grown-ups.” Walking the dog carefully on the leash or holding the handrail on the stairs makes them feel almost stately with pride. Following a rule can feel like wearing a badge of honor.
10. Because It’s Fair
Children have a sharp sense of fairness. Rules that make things equal—no cutting in line, share the crayons—are rules they’ll defend fiercely. If you spend any time with a group of kids, you’ll see them enforcing these rules on each other with the zeal of playground lawyers.
