Is No Contact Really Necessary After A Breakup? Here's What You Need To Consider
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Breakups are weird, confusing, emotional, and rarely straightforward. One of the hardest things is when the person with whom you feel closest: the one who knows you more intimately than anyone else in the world, suddenly becomes a stranger. However, for some, this intentional distancing is a necessary part of a breakup, even if it's not easy.
What is the no-contact rule?
The "no contact rule" is a period of intentional silence with your ex after a breakup to create space for emotional healing. This means no texting, calling, emailing, social media interactions, or even indirect contact through mutual friends. While there's no specific timeframe that works for everyone, some people follow the 30-day or 60-day rule before re-establishing contact. Others, however, never open the door to communication again.
Why is it important?
It's not manipulation or a tactic to get your ex back; it's intended to break the cycle of reopening emotional wounds every time you talk to your ex. It's also about personal growth, gaining perspective, and allowing the reality of the separation to sink in for both of you. It encourages you to re-establish your independence and remind yourself who you are without them.
Cutting your ex off like this is not necessary for every breakup, but if the relationship had any hint of toxicity or if boundaries are being crossed, then it may be worth considering.
How to implement the no-contact rule
One of the reasons breakups are so confusing is that, more often than not, you still have some sense of love and care for your ex, even after deciding it's not going to work out, and even if you've had some nasty fights. When carried out poorly, the no contact rule can just feel mean, like you're adding toxicity to a pile of toxic elements. However, when employed mindfully, it can be an invaluable tool for healing.
First, clearly define the boundaries and explain to your ex what's happening. You can tell them in a text message or an email if you prefer not to meet in person. Just be clear with your intentions, spell out your boundaries, and give your reasoning. This avoids causing pain and also holds you accountable.
The first few days nof ot talking to your ex are bound to be tough, but stay strong and focus on yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, avoid emotional triggers, and spend time with your friends and family. It's not about distracting yourself; it's about rebuilding your sense of self as an individual. Sooner or later, the sadness will subside, and you'll feel full again.
After the no contact rule
Whether it's a good idea to re-open the lines of communication again after this period of silence totally depends on the nature of the relationship and the breakup. If both parties feel they've used the separation time effectively and both genuinely want a platonic relationship, then you can start talking again. You may want to gradually let down the boundaries instead of opening doors with reckless abandon if you're at all concerned for your emotional well-being. It takes a lot of trust to be able to establish a friendship with your ex, and you both have to be on the same page.
