Divorce. It's the one-way ticket to solo Netflix binges and reclaiming the entire bed (silver linings, right?). But seriously, when do you know that it's time to say goodbye to the 'we' and hello to the 'me'? So, all you brave souls who've been there, done that and signed the divorce papers, share your wisdom.
1. Finding My Strength
When I realized his criticism no longer bothered me, it was a significant turning point. I would return home from work, utterly exhausted, only to be greeted with comments about the tone of my voice, the expression on my face, and the fact that I chose to rest on the couch instead of heading to a bar.
As an introvert, I need time to recharge. These remarks used to cause me pain, but eventually, I started to disregard them, focusing instead on matters such as the mortgage and the possibility of divorce. Additionally, I began spending long hours at work to avoid the necessity of going home and listening to him.
Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay
2. When Therapy Reveals More
After seven intermittent years of counseling, my last therapist abruptly ended our session. She confessed that my ex was merely utilizing the sessions to complain about me and was unyieldingly unwilling to work on herself. At that juncture, I realized it was time to move on.
Image by ozgomz
3. When Love Turns Sour
Many factors contributed to the decision. However, the turning point was when I witnessed her kick our dog. Following this, I contacted her mother for clarification and was shocked to learn that she had a history of abusing her previous dogs. At that moment, I knew it was over.
4. Mother's Day Epiphany
Four years ago on Mother's Day, I had to work a double shift because someone called out sick. When I got home at in the evening, my ex immediately asked what I was going to cook for dinner. I responded, 'It's Mother's Day and I just worked 14 hours, maybe you could cook dinner.' He snarled back, 'You're not MY mother.' Things had been going downhill for a long time before that, but that was the moment I knew I was done.
Image by Werner Heiber from Pixabay
5. A Mother's Strength
It was over long before I admitted it to myself. I hung on because we had two kids together, and my older daughter had lost her father. The only dad she knew was my ex-husband. One night, I found myself in the living room with our youngest daughter. She had a high fever, and I was worried it would cause a seizure, as she'd had them before. With her lifelong health issues, I was torn between riding it out at home and taking her to the ER.
As I paced back and forth, holding our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, I managed to upset him. He began yelling at me, hurling insults and hurtful accusations. He'd done this before, but that night, he wouldn't stop even when I pleaded. Out of desperation, I asked him, 'What would you do if your daughter told you her partner was speaking to her like this?' He shrugged his shoulders and said, 'If she deserves it.' I glanced over his shoulder and saw my daughter at the top of the stairs, witnessing everything.
That was the moment I knew I was done. I set a date to end things, wanting to get through the holidays and the kids' birthdays without any scenes. The night before my set date, as the clock struck midnight, I left the bar where I was. My friends were puzzled, but I simply told them, 'I'm going home to end my marriage.' And I did.
I never doubted myself or looked back. It's been over three years, and we've all blossomed and grown so much. I have zero regrets about leaving. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner to protect my kids.
Image by itfeelslikefilm
6. A Mother's Vow
Upon returning home from a business trip, my 7-year-old son looked up at me with solemn eyes and revealed, 'Daddy threw me down and punched me in the back.' Never again, I vowed.
Image by Alisa Dyson from Pixabay
7. A Spilled Drink, A Broken Bond
She was somewhat unkempt, and I was the absolute opposite. There was a lot of build-up, but the moment I knew our relationship was over happened during a casual gathering at our place. She was seated on our brand-new rug with friends, enjoying a concoction of red juice and vodka. I gently reminded everyone about the newness of the rug and kindly suggested that they continue their discussion in the kitchen.
In response, she placed her cup on the rug, locked eyes with me, and deliberately tipped the cup over with a single finger. The rug was stained, and we found ourselves locked in a silent standoff filled with resentment. The following morning, I left. I later married her best friend, who had witnessed the same change in her that I had.
Today, we are parents to two lovely children and maintain a tidy home. Fifteen years later, my ex is still struggling to get her life together, and predictably, she and her former best friend are no longer close.
Image by Mohd Khairul Nizam from Pixabay
8. Missing The Signs
As she approached her 39th birthday, her behavior began to change. She became a regular at the gym, working out to the tune of 240 hours a week. Her wardrobe started to transform as well, filled with more provocative clothing. Conflict started to brew between us as she began to accuse me of infidelity.
One fateful day, while I was at work, she sent me an email. It stated that she couldn't be the woman I wanted her to be, and that she had been secretly looking at houses and researching divorce. Turns out, she was also cheating on me. I was utterly shocked. In retrospect, I should have realized that she was cheating on me when she started to change up her appearance.
Image by Scott Webb from Pixabay
9. Betrayed on My Birthday
When I found out that my husband was cheating on me on my birthday, no less than four months after we had gotten married, I was devastated. He tried to 'make it up' to me, but every time he texted, called, or I saw him, I just got angry.
Image by adigold1
10. Love Fades Away
My ex looked at me and said, 'I have no idea why I'm with you. I don't love you, but I can't figure out if it's because I care about you, or if it's because you do everything and pay for everything.' It felt like time stood still for a second, and I realized you could legitimately fall out of love with someone in an instant.
Image by Pana Koutloumpasis from Pixabay
11. Two Dysfunctional Marriages
First marriage: It became clear it was over when my husband, against our dire financial state, took a check from the middle of my checkbook and bounced it to buy lottery tickets. We were barely surviving on ramen noodles, with two little children to feed. Not only did he bounce a check for lottery tickets, but he also lied about it. This was his second strike, having previously bounced checks worth $800 and relied on his grandmother to bail him out. After I took over the finances, he had the audacity to steal a check from my dresser. That was the final straw.
Second marriage: I was a mother to teenage girls and a younger child. My husband had developed a severe drinking problem. Every meal had turned into a battle, with someone ending up in tears. One day, he made my youngest cry over a trivial matter and berated me for not teaching her good manners. My oldest daughter, usually quiet and gentle, slammed her hands down on the table and demanded silence. This was followed by an eerie 10-minute silence. The next morning, still hungover, he intended to drive the kids to school. Despite his impaired state, he argued that he was capable of driving. I ended up taking the kids to school and upon returning home, I asked him to leave. Permanently. I couldn't let him jeopardize their mental and physical health any longer.
Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
12. Love, Resentment, and Biker Dreams
When I revealed that I was pregnant with our third child, he was angry. Not just mildly upset, but genuinely angry. He had planned to get a motorcycle, and now he felt like his dreams were being stifled because of the upcoming baby. Throughout my entire pregnancy, he treated me horribly. Despite his resentment, he still went ahead and got the bike, and whenever we had financial issues, he blamed me. However, he wasn't always like this. He used to be incredible, but everything changed when he developed a fascination for the biker lifestyle. From then on, that was all that mattered to him.
Image by SplitShire from Pixabay
13. From Diamond Rings to PlayStation Games
When she placed her ring on the coffee table and stormed off, she left me to contemplate our situation. I feigned concern until she exited the house, then I turned on my trusty PlayStation. A month later, I made the decision to leave her.
Image by jckbck
14. Sheer Apathy
Sheer apathy - feeling that for the first time with so much certainty and irreversibility. Watching him cry and beg for another chance, I felt absolutely nothing. I was a classic case of the 'walk-away wife' syndrome. For months, I cared deeply for him, tried to reconcile his behavior, and made excuses for his actions. But such emotional labor is exhausting. Eventually, you run out of energy and love for that person completely and forever.
Image by ozgomz
15. Sunsetting Marriage
We came to an understanding. We had a dead bedroom. We tried to fix it in many ways, but ultimately, it was never going to be solved. So, we fought and cried a little, but mostly, we ended up trying and then talking. We realized nothing could fix it. So, our decision was reached mutually. It was mature and respectful. We transitioned our marriage of 20 years into a different kind of platonic, lifelong love that will continue to endure.
When people asked what happened, the word we used was we 'sunsetted' the marriage. We helped each other find our new homes, she helped me bury my mom a couple of months after the divorce was final, and we cared for the kids as our highest priority. We eat as a family at least once a month. We still celebrate the holidays together, and our wedding anniversary is now 'Family Day'. And now we wear our rings on the right hand, to signify family. Our marriage did not fail. It ran its course.
Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay
16. Shocking Discovery
I discovered explicit photos of our supposed friends on his computer. What was worse? They were all stored in a folder, right alongside the pictures I had personally sent him. It seemed as if he had been accumulating a collection, which left me feeling nauseous. Just three months prior, he had proposed to me and together, we had a two-year-old son.
Image by karishea
17. Loveless Marriage
It was a piecemeal affair, a collection of small things that only became clear in hindsight. She seemed to care more about the perception of a blissful marriage rather than the reality of it. During one argument, I was particularly frustrated and I remember telling her, 'I'm not a science project. Stop these weird tests and just talk to me.' Her reaction to that statement made it clear that this was a novel concept for her. However, the last straw was one evening when she was preparing for a party. She nonchalantly mentioned, 'You know, I could cheat on you.' It was a brazen statement, to be sure, but by that point, I realized I didn't care. Not about the potential betrayal, not about her careless remark, and certainly not about her - by then, I suppose.
18. The Moment I Decided to Call a Divorce Attorney
When he forced me to leave a family reunion that was meant to last for three days, with family members I hadn't seen in years and deeply missed, after just about 12 hours because he was bored. It was a devastating moment. It's important to note that he had the option not to attend. We had previously discussed that he wouldn't attend in order to take care of the dogs, and the day before, he decided that I was not allowed to go without him. Admittedly, this was the final straw in a pile of troubles so high that I honestly still don't understand how I didn't see it. But during that four-hour drive home, I cried the entire time and called a divorce attorney the very next day.
Image by andrey seregin from Pixabay
19. Love, Jealousy and Divorce
Maybe a weird answer, but when we were clearly no longer in love, I'd considered filing for divorce multiple times. I would then think about the future - specifically her moving on. The thought of her being with someone else would fill me with jealousy. This, to me, was always a justification not to file because I 'clearly still had feelings for her.' Then, one day, I thought about her moving on and... I just no longer felt the jealousy. I envisioned her and I being happy as individuals. It was still tough, but it was time.
Image by ashkfor121
20. Eye-Opening Relationship Tale
My ex-wife and I had a multitude of issues that required resolution. Once, I asked her to take a few days to compile a list of changes she wished me to make and how she envisioned our relationship. I promised to do the same. I invested considerable time and effort into creating a list of changes I desired in our relationship, hoping it would foster growth. My list was polite and did not place blame on her for anything. On the night we were supposed to exchange our lists, I asked her for hers. Her response was to open a magazine article titled 'What Makes a Perfect Man' from a low-quality magazine, point to it and say, 'This.' That's when I realized our relationship was beyond repair, as her list lacked thought or effort.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
21. The Moment of Clarity
We were at my brother's house attending a birthday party, sitting on opposite sides of the room. This was because we had just gotten into a fight in the car on the way over there. At one point, I looked over at her and thought, 'I would be so much happier if I were single again.' This was after a couple of years of both of us being miserable. That was the moment I knew. I'm now remarried (for 17 years) and I couldn't be happier. Ending that marriage was one of the best decisions I ever made.
22. Outsmarting Gaslighting
When I realized that he was indeed attempting to gaslight me, I couldn't help but laugh at his naivety. Unaware that I still had access to my sent emails, he replied to one of my messages, altering my original text to portray me as an raging lunatic. It was at this juncture that I knew there was no longer any hope of reconciliation, and I began devising my escape plan.
Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
23. The Heartbreaking Spiral
Her addiction spiraled out of control. It started with pills, then progressed to Adderall, and finally to meth. I tried helping her, and made several attempts to get her into rehab. However, I couldn't stand by and watch her self-destruction any longer. I finally told her I was done and moved out the next day.
Image by cassidykdickens
24. When Staying Together Isn't Fair Anymore
When I no longer desired his touch, his kisses, or his gaze. When his voice, his walk, and every little detail about him began to annoy me. We had previously discussed divorce before it became a reality, and we tried to mend things, but my feelings remained unchanged. It wasn't fair to him to keep trying.
25. Life-Changing Decision
My son informed me that our dog had been barking frequently in the middle of the night. During this time, I was in the midst of starting a new business with my father, who had recently been diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I was juggling many responsibilities and had just returned from a business convention when my son brought this to my attention. Our dog typically only barks when strangers enter our home, so I found her behavior odd.
Upon checking my ex's phone and emails, I discovered numerous Craigslist ads, emails, responses, and our home address. For my next business trip, I made the decision to send my son to his grandfather's place with a one-way ticket, and I planned to join him later. I used the excuse of assisting my father with his initial cancer treatments to explain my extended stay. A few weeks later, I returned to my former home to retrieve my car and filed divorce papers while I was there.
I never spoke to my ex-husband again after that. For clarity, I need to mention that the Craigslist postings were indeed for sexual liaisons. There were certainly other signs of his infidelity, but my son's observation about our dog's unusual behavior was the moment I realized our marriage was over. I also want to add that I kept the dog.
Image by joeyc
26. A Roommate Situation
I realized I wasn't myself anymore. I was angry and bitter all the time. Our marriage had basically turned into a roommate situation. There was no love and no intimacy of any kind. We barely spoke to each other. I would dread the moment I heard his car pull up in the driveway at the end of the day.
Image by Opollo Photography from Pixabay
27. From Betrayal to Healing
I walked in on her and another man. At that moment, I knew things weren't great, but I didn't believe I deserved that. Reflecting on it later, I realized there were mistakes made by both of us. I believe we both grew from this experience. For a while, I harbored hatred towards her. We had a daughter together, and sustaining such intense negative feelings was exhausting. Eventually, the hate morphed into indifference.
Time heals, and over the years we have managed to maintain a friendly relationship. Our divorce was not a battleground; it was quite smooth and cost us only about $600. There are pros and cons to dealing with pain, either ripping off the band-aid quickly or peeling it off slowly. I chose the former, enduring a lot of pain at once, but shortening the misery. That was one of the worst nights of my life, though. My advice? Don't cheat. It messes people up. It took a while for me to heal. Remember, the strongest steel is forged in the dumpster fire of life's trials.
Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
28. Trapped in a Marriage as Punishment
When he confessed that he had married me as a punishment for my pregnancy, and his intention to make my life a living hell, alleging that I had stolen his childhood, I couldn't help but reflect on the absurdity of his claim. After all, he was 24 at the time.
Image by freestocks
29. The Breaking Point
At first, I found myself working late increasingly often. It eventually reached a point where I would arrive home and sit in the car, summoning the courage and willpower to step out. The moment I found myself in tears in the garage, unable to face another violent outburst, I recognized that our relationship was over. Calling it quits terrified me, but an incident where he was shaking and screaming at our infant son became the final straw that triggered the landslide. I guess we do for our children what we won't do for ourselves.
Image by Adina Voicu from Pixabay
30. Marital Disarray
Before leaving for a work trip that lasted a few weeks, I took steps to ensure the house would run smoothly in my absence. I hired cleaners, prepared frozen meals, and stocked the pantry with snacks. Additionally, I completed all the laundry and purchased gift cards for my ex, to supplement meals when needed.
Upon my return, I was shocked to find the house in disarray, with none of the prepared meals or snacks touched. Our child had been taken out to eat every night, maxing out his credit card in the process. Laundry had only been done once, and it was solely his underwear. A couple of weeks later, while cleaning the fridge, he started yelling at me about his stress levels.
I had spent those weeks cleaning the house and trying to pay off his credit card debt. That was when I realized I was done. It felt strangely relieving. Our marriage had been marred with other mistakes, including infidelity and massive financial missteps. However, it was that particular night of him lashing out that marked the end.
Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
31. Betrayed Twice
I found a note from my former mother-in-law (or should I say, mother outlaw?) that I wasn't supposed to see. My ex-wife had cheated on me and moved out. She queried about what it would take to save our marriage, and I expressed she had to stop seeing her lover. She agreed...or so I thought. Her mother had seemingly been on my side the entire time, assuring me that I was the better man and expressing hopes that we would work things out.
Or so I thought. One day, I visited the apartment where my ex-wife was living. She wasn't there, but a note from the mother outlaw was stuck on the door. It read something like 'sorry I missed you guys, but I can't wait to meet Steve. He seems great and I just know you two will be great together.' The shock was real. Not only had my future ex-wife lied about 'working things out,' but her mother had also been deceiving me.
Image by Andreas Lischka from Pixabay
32. My Last Straw
My ex-husband rolled over in bed and told me he hated me. We had been fighting earlier that day and he had hit me, but then asked for my forgiveness. I granted it, telling him it was his last chance. We had made up and moved on, or so I thought. Apparently, he felt the need to tell me he hated me as I was trying to fall asleep that night. Once he told me he hated me, I realized there was no sense in trying anymore.
After I got home from work the next afternoon, I threw him out of the house and contacted a lawyer. He told me he would never sign any divorce documents and would force me to stay married to him forever, but thankfully, that's not how divorce works.
Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay
33. Marital Struggles and Self-Discovery
Looking back, there were a series of moments over a period of 2-3 years that led to the end of my marriage. After years of marital counseling, I began individual therapy. Meanwhile, my ex decided to change careers. Consequently, I went from providing about 70% of the income and 60-70% of the housework/childcare to 80-90% of the income and 95% of the housework/childcare.
Six months into this routine, I experienced a breakdown and was advised by my employer to take some time off. I started having slight suicidal thoughts, which I communicated to my ex via text one night. Her dismissive response was a clear sign that our relationship was in trouble. I then entered intensive outpatient counseling, and a few weeks in, we had a family session. Despite my struggles, my ex made the session about her and her grievances. In an individual counseling session afterwards, my therapist subtly suggested that the marriage might be over.
The realization was like a light bulb going off in my head, and I brought up the idea of separation about two weeks later.
Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
34. Unvoiced Desires of a Difficult Marriage
There were moments when intrusive thoughts would creep in, making me hope that he'd get in a car wreck and not make it home from work. To clarify, I didn't wish for his demise, but I yearned for an escape, and that seemed so much less complicated than the process of divorce. It may not entirely make sense, but it was my reality.
Image by Oskars Zvejs from Pixabay
35. Caught In the Middle
When I found myself comforting his crying girlfriend, I assured her that she hadn't done anything wrong when she discovered she was his secret partner.
Image by tompumford
36. Brave Stand Against Abuse
Riding in the car, I asked him to slow down because it was icy and I felt unsafe. However, he only responded by speeding up, falling into a screaming rage about how I was always trying to control him, and threatening to crash the vehicle. This type of anger scenario was not a one-time incident; it would happen time and again.
After enduring ten years of verbal abuse, I had finally had enough. It had almost begun to not phase me anymore. 'You really are going to divorce me for how I drive?' he asked. 'Yes,' I replied. Standing up for myself was challenging, but I didn’t back down. Today, I am happier than ever. It was the best decision I ever made and I now have much more self-confidence.
Image by ROMAIN Armante from Pixabay
37. A Dark Secret
When he began discussing plans for a sailing trip to St. Maarten, I was filled with anxiety. I couldn't help but think, 'If this man gets me alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean, he will undoubtedly try to kill me and somehow make it seem like it was my fault.' There was really no turning back from that thought. I started packing my bags two days later when he left town.
Image by oulashin
38. Postpartum Trials
When I was in labour, he slept for the entire 18 hours and almost didn't wake up for the emergency C-section. Then, when I got released from the hospital, he complained that his ankle was hurting too much to carry our newborn baby up to the third floor of our apartment.
He also couldn't carry the groceries that he had made me walk around the entire store to get, despite having just been released from the hospital. So, two days postpartum from a C-section, I found myself carrying a baby in a car seat and bags of groceries up three flights of stairs. At that point, I knew he was selfish and didn't care about me.
Image by Stephanie Pratt from Pixabay
39. Eye-Opening Conversation
When we traveled out of state for a four-day stay with one of my best friends, 'T', whom had only met my husband twice (once at our wedding), my husband started acting like a spoiled child. After a couple of days, I was an embarrassed, exhausted emotional wreck. He screamed at me about something and went to our room, shouting the whole way. I started to apologize to T, but he quietly stopped me and asked, 'Does he always talk to you that way? Does he always treat you like he has this week?'
I replied, 'I mean, sometimes better, sometimes worse, he's got a short temper.' 'That's... not okay. At all. If this is normal, this is abuse... and you're saying it gets worse? You aren't the same person you used to be. You don't see how he's changed you?' I was dumbstruck. I had just thought it was normal. He had me convinced that it was my fault, that I deserved it, and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. T and I had a very long, life-changing talk that night.
Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay
40. Two-Year Battle for Freedom
When she filed for divorce, she didn't actually want a divorce. That's when I realized I couldn't put up with any more of her antics. If she was willing to file for divorce, expecting me to foot the bill, I knew it had escalated way too far. I spent the next two years trying to finalize that divorce, while she was attempting to maintain our marriage.
Image by thank you for 💙 from Pixabay
41. Breaking Free
He mistreated me for years, but the final straw was when he referred to our newborn daughter in a derogatory manner simply because she woke him up. I refuse to let her experience the same treatment. It was the best decision I ever made.
42. Betrayal, Revelation, and New Beginnings
My ex believed I was working out of town. She had been having an affair for about three months and was completely convinced that I was oblivious to it. This was way back before cell phones were a thing. She had been call forwarding our landline to her new boyfriend's number, so when I called, I thought I was reaching her at our apartment.
One evening, I returned home around 10 pm to find she wasn't there. I dialed her boyfriend's number, and she picked up. I inquired about what she was doing and she said she had just climbed into bed for the night. I then asked her whose bed she had climbed into. There was a long pause. I revealed to her that I knew about her actions and her whereabouts.
The last thing I told her was that I was leaving my wedding ring on her side of the nightstand. That was over 40 years ago. Now, I've been happily married to a wonderful woman for a very long time, and all is good.
Image by nate_dumlao
43. Co-Parenting After Divorce
We stopped sleeping together in the same bed and we both knew it was over, but we kept things on cruise control for a couple of years because of our child. It was like we were 'two ships passing in the night', as they say. We both knew it, but ignored it for a while. Then one day, we sat down, talked, and agreed we should get a divorce. It was 100% amicable.
Now, she and my son live about two miles from me. I see him every single day and she and I get along better than we ever did as a married couple. We laugh, eat dinner together as a family, play games in the backyard, and so on. Co-parenting for us is much more successful than staying married, there is no bad blood or arguments anymore.
I should also mention that my parents divorced when I was about 9 years old. My Dad moved a good distance away and I didn't see him much for several years. My Mom worked two jobs for a while and I was often alone at home with my abusive older brother. I was determined to never let something like that happen to my son, so when we got divorced, it was my main goal to stay as close as possible and spend as much time with him as I can. So far, it's been working out better than I expected. We divorced almost two years ago.
Image by Lorraine Cormier from Pixabay
44. Family Dynamics after a Loss
When her grandmother passed away, it was a profound loss for the family. This wonderful lady, who was her father's mother, had died peacefully. Upon hearing the news, her dad, overwhelmed with grief, immediately reached out to me. He was a mess and desperately needed someone to confide in. Without hesitation, I assured him that I would come over straight away.
To keep my wife in the loop, I called her and relayed the situation. Her response, however, was rather shocking. She felt he was being overly dramatic, and she was with her mother (his wife) who was deliberately ignoring his texts and calls. It struck me as incredibly insensitive, considering his mother had just passed away. He was not only battling with sorrow, but he was also feeling utterly alone.
I went over to his house and spent some time with him. As I sat there, I realized that this could potentially be a glimpse into my future if I stayed married. My father-in-law is a decent man who, unfortunately, is treated like an unwanted stray dog by his own family. They live under the same roof, yet they have separate bedrooms. She has an intense dislike for him and has manipulated their children into sharing the same sentiment.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
45. Toxic Relationships
I found a sense of tranquility when he wasn't around. My demeanor was calmer, my anxiety diminished, and my smiles became more frequent. Furthermore, I noticed that I would suppress my smiles or conceal good news to prevent him from spoiling my joy.
46. When Love Grows Apart
It was strange. I found myself sitting on the couch, while she was in the recliner. As I glanced over at her, it was as if I was looking at a stranger. The thought hit me hard - I didn't like her anymore, and I wouldn't even consider dating her now. It was evident that we had just grown apart. I finally gathered the courage to voice my thoughts, 'Do you want to break up?' Her reply was shockingly casual, 'I thought you'd never ask... yes. It's been over for a while.' The breakup was amicable, and we went our separate ways. There were no hard feelings; it was simply over.
Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay
47. Couple's Therapy
We went to counseling. She talked about the things she needed and wasn't getting. The counselor asked me if I could work on those, and I said yes. This conversation took up the entirety of the first session. The second session took place a week later. I talked about the things that I needed and wasn't getting. The counselor asked her if she could work on those, but she kept avoiding and redirecting the topic.
On the drive home, she said she wanted to find a new counselor, stating that this one wasn't the right one. We went to a new counselor a few weeks later. The first session was a repeat of the previous, as was the second. She suggested we should find a better counselor. I asked, 'one that agrees with you?' and she said yes. At that moment, I was done.
On a side note, I am doing much better now. We don't keep in touch, but I believe she is doing well too. I don't want to paint her as a terrible person and myself as a saint. We were simply a bad match. This was just the point where I knew we couldn't fix our relationship.
Image by Mircea - All in collections from Pixabay
48. 16 Years, Tears, and a Victorian Velvet Chair
After 16 years filled with many hurdles, I asked him to list three things about me that he liked. The pain was so intense that I found myself in tears even asking. I tried to make it easier for him, suggesting anything, even my hair, but he either couldn't or wouldn't. This conversation came about a week after a deeply emotional episode. We had been intimate, and tears were streaming down my face - tears he never bothered to question, not in the moment, and not after.
The culmination of these events, and there were many, signaled the end for me. There was no turning back once I allowed myself to entertain the thought of ending it. Two months after he moved out, he came back to talk. I left the room to get him an iced tea and returned to find him undressed on my grandmother's Victorian velvet chair, expecting a sexual favor. I think he genuinely believed that it would fix everything because, in his mind, it always did. I told him that wasn't going to happen. Then he said, 'You asked me to name three things, I have ten things, maybe more, I can think of...' I felt a wave of pity wash over me. It was pathetic. He fought me for three years over the divorce.
Image by Monoar Rahman Rony from Pixabay
