The Secrets to Success
It may seem counterintuitive to turn to divorce lawyers for marriage advice, but in reality, these folks have seen it all. From scandals to slow burns, divorce lawyers are well-versed in what makes or breaks a relationship. With that in mind, here are 20 tips they recommend to ensure you never need their services.
1. Don’t Keep Secrets
Most divorce lawyers agree that the biggest relationship breakers are secrets. We’re not talking about little white lies but rather hidden debts, substance use, or affairs. These are, unfortunately, common in relationships that break apart. If you’re struggling with these things, keeping them to yourself will leave your partner feeling betrayed.
2. Don’t Cheat
This may seem very obvious, but it's unfortunately prevalent these days. More and more lawyers report couples complaining of suspicious extramarital activities. If you’ve cheated on your partner, you really can’t be surprised by what comes next.
3. Don’t Save Your Problems for Later
It’s all too easy to run into a problem in the relationship and simply slide it under the rug. Perhaps you don’t agree about children or have political values that directly contradict each other. Resolve the issue then and there because if you decide to deal with it after marriage, it might just be the thing to break you.
4. Finances, Finances, Finances
To the surprise of no one, finances are a major factor that breaks down relationships. Love is nice and all, but even love shrivels up when there’s no food to be had. It’s important to get yourself into a decent position before you become responsible for someone else. Struggling together can be difficult, and no one wants to see their partner in pain.
5. Have a Plan
Similar to having different values, it’s also important to make sure you want the same things. Don’t just assume your wife will quit her job and stay home with the kids when you have them. Similarly, don’t assume that your husband wants to retire you when you have kids. These differing expectations can lead to heartbreak down the line if you haven’t discussed them beforehand.
6. Don’t Ignore Divorce
Ignoring the possibility of divorce makes you ignorant and unprepared. This can lead to a rather vindictive relationship, where both of you are walking on eggshells to keep things secure. Instead, accept that divorce is a reality, and amicably discuss what it would look like before tying the knot. You’ll be surprised how comfortable it can make things in the relationship.
7. Don’t Act Like Enemies
It’s strange how easily relationships turn into rivalries. Resentment can do that, leading to keeping score and the constant need to one-up each other. This means you’re insecure, and your partner probably doesn’t make you feel valued, which is why you’re always trying to prove yourself. This is a bad habit to get into, and it's better to address these issues head-on and try to be kinder.
8. Don’t Be Afraid to Argue
Arguing is actually very good in a relationship. Don’t try to avoid conflict. Instead, use it as an opportunity to practice managing emotions and reaching resolutions. Couples that don’t argue break down all too easily when hit with bigger issues.
9. Educate Yourself
Most people avoid the word "prenup" like the plague, and while you shouldn’t, it’s more important to be aware of the laws and regulations governing marriage. For instance, not reporting income or sharing assets because you didn’t understand how it works can lead to resentment from your partner. It can also put you in a sticky situation with the law.
10. Don’t Just Forgive and Forget
You might think letting the little things go is the best way to move forward, and that’s true. But only for little things. For bigger issues, especially the kind that build resentment, trying to rise above it and forgive is only the beginning of the end. Instead, feel your emotions and have a fight right then rather than breaking apart in the long run.
11. Spend Time Apart
Yes, you’re in a committed relationship bound to each other until the end of your days. But that’s no reason to spend every second together. Even if you love each other very much, it’s healthy to spend time away and have your own interests and life outside the relationship. This sense of identity will make you a fuller and happier person and won’t put unnecessary stress on the relationship.
12. Spending Habits
Finances are so prevalent in divorce that they’ve made another appearance on this list. It turns out that people with wildly different spending habits struggle to stay together. If one of you likes to save while the other prefers to spend, you’ll both end up annoyed with each other.
13. Adapt to Change
People age, money comes and goes, and you never know when disaster will strike. Being able to adapt to change and not resort to blaming your partner is integral to success. The couples that last the longest are the most adaptable ones.
14. Define Boundaries
It may surprise you to hear that some people don’t consider flirting cheating. Others even go as far as kissing. This is why it’s up to you to discuss these boundaries and make sure you share the same definitions. Some divorce lawyers report clients acting innocent simply because they had very different definitions of cheating.
15. Accept Aging
Getting married means devoting yourself to one another forever. That means even if you fell in love with a twenty-something version of your partner, you’ll have to stick around when they hit their 40s, 60s, and 80s too. This is why it’s important to fall in love for the right reasons from the start.
16. The Intimate Warning
According to divorce lawyers, many couples report the end of their physical love life far before their actual marriage ends. This is a warning sign you should take seriously when it arises. Of course, if someone recently had a baby or is going through a medical issue, patience is essential. But if it’s been several months without tangible reasons, then something serious might be at play.
17. Keep Your Finances Separate
One divorce lawyer actually recommends keeping finances separate the entire time. Considering how often finances break down relationships, perhaps this is the way to go. However, there’s no way to win, as this might annoy your partner more than joining them.
18. Never Rush
From getting married young to moving in together to having a baby to save the relationship: these are all things you should never rush into. Even if you do exactly what you planned, it’s important to take time, talk about it, and see how you feel about the idea. Acting on impulse often leads to couples breaking up within a few years.
19. Don’t Threaten Divorce
Many couples bring up divorce like it’s a light thing, making casual threats whenever an argument gets too heated or doesn’t go their way. Don’t plant that seed because with every fight, you’ll only water it more.
20. Take It Seriously
Treating marriage like another casual part of life—like buying a dog or enrolling in school—is the wrong way to look at it. Instead, see it as the investment it is. Just like getting a car, do the safety checks, treat dating like a test drive, and get an insurance policy in the form of a prenup. Don’t get a Ferrari if you plan on having kids, and don’t get a minivan if you intend to spend your early years traveling. It may be unromantic, but the more seriously you take it, the better.
