Popularity 101
It may seem that popularity just naturally comes to some while others struggle to make friends. Well, the reality is that there are lots of psychological tricks to being likable. If you take advantage of these habits, you’ll come across kinder, more approachable, and ultimately, likable. Do you have any other popularity tips in addition to the 20 we mentioned on this list?
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1. Mimicry
When you’re talking to someone, you should try to mimic their behavior. For example, if they smile, you should smile. If they put one leg over the other, you should wait a few seconds and do the same thing. Mirroring is known to make the other person connect with you, which in turn makes you more likable.
2. Share a Secret
Whether it’s an early conversation or you’ve already been talking to this person for a while, look for an opportunity to share a secret. It doesn’t even have to be a real secret but just share a detail and mention how you haven’t told others this before. Self-disclosure is known to make people see you as emotionally open and will make them feel closer to you.
3. Listen Actively
When you’re having a conversation with someone else, give them your undivided attention. Not only should you maintain eye contact, but you should also acknowledge what they’re saying. For example, nod along as they speak, or respond with “mhmms” when they finish a sentence. This shows them that you find their words important, which makes them feel eager to be around you and talk more.
4. Let Them Talk
Speaking of listening, you can earn a lot of likability points just by letting people talk. The truth is, people enjoy talking about themselves, and it makes them feel good when someone acknowledges their points. So be that person: be the one they can always go to and talk to, and they’ll be eager to come back again and again. If they’re a bit shy about opening up, you can set an example by sharing a secret of your own so they feel encouraged to share.
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5. Make Them Want to Reciprocate
Human beings innately have a desire to reciprocate. While this isn’t the case for every individual, it is generally likely. So, what you want to do is create opportunities for them to reciprocate. That’s why sharing a secret will make them want to reciprocate by opening up themselves. Alternatively, you can do a nice thing for them, like pay for their movie ticket and tell them to get you back next time. Now they’ll be eager to repay you by going to the movies again.
6. Fake It
You know that saying, fake it till you make it? Well, it applies to friendship, too. The truth of the matter is that people like to be around those who seem successful. While everyone measures success differently, the idea is to present yourself as someone who has “made it.” You don’t necessarily have to brag, but don’t be shy to share your education background, or how cool your job is, or whatever other skillsets you have. And if you don’t have anything cool to share, fake it till you make it.
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7. Appear Social
The reality is you should not only appear social but be social. People are attracted to those whom everyone else is attracted to. This kind of falls into herd mentality, where people do as others do. So, boost your social media followers, talk about how many plans you have, and take photos when you’re out with friends. But of course, be sure to make space for those you want to befriend as well.
8. Give Constructive Compliments
People like to feel good about themselves, and giving compliments is a great way to make them feel that. But don’t fall into the trap of thoughtless compliments, as people will assume you’re just being nice. Instead, give thoughtful compliments. For example, after a presentation, compliment your co-worker’s public speaking skills. Or when someone makes a delicious dish, specifically compliment a certain element of the dish instead of saying “that was great.”
9. See Them How They Want
By now, you’re probably realizing being likable has very little to do with yourself, and a lot to do with how you make other people feel. With that in mind, every individual person has their own self-image of who they are. This might not line up with reality, but they still see themselves a certain way, and they like people who see them like that, too. So, what this means is you should identify how somebody sees themselves, and confirm their views. For example, if your friend thinks they’re a good artist, confirm this and praise their work.
10. Sunshine and Rainbows
Now here’s a tip more focused on your own behavior. You should be positive whenever you can. This is because positive people boost the moods of others, which will make others want to be around you. So, laugh off your worries, make jokes, and keep on smiling.
11. Smile
Speaking of smiling, it’s also a pretty effective way to be likable. Not only does this make you appear positive, but people naturally gravitate toward those who smile. It also turns out that people are more likely to remember someone if they were smiling.
12. Engage With Them
Let’s go back to actively listening when someone is talking and build on that idea a bit more. So, not only do you want to acknowledge what they say, but you want to engage in a more dynamic way. Isn’t it the worst when you rant about something important to you, and all the other person says is “okay.” Don’t be that person, and instead, ask follow-up questions or specifically pinpoint things they said and talk about them. This will make the other person feel heard, and they’ll be eager to feel that way again next time they have something to talk about.
13. Share Your Flaws
Obviously, no one is perfect, even if people put out an image of perfection. So, dig deeper into vulnerability, as that makes you look more relatable to others. What you’ll want to do is share your weaknesses when there are opportunities to do so. For instance, if someone is complaining about a test, you can mention how you struggle with time management during tests. Or when someone is telling you about their pet, you can mention how you struggle with accountability and turn it into a compliment by mentioning how you admire their dedication to pet responsibility.
14. Appear Smart
So you know how we talked about appearing successful? Well, you’ll also want to seem smart. Not smart in the academic sense necessarily, but essentially, competent. It turns out people are more respectful of those they assume are smart, so don’t be afraid to name-drop your education or what you’ve been reading lately.
15. Be Available
This is the part a lot of people get wrong when it comes to appearing popular. They pretend to be busy when they’re not to seem unavailable and high in demand. That only leads to toxic relationships and weird, inflated senses of self-worth. A likable person makes time for their friends and will be there on a drop of a hat when someone really needs them. Plus, if you’re available for them, they’ll naturally want to reciprocate.
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16. Casual Touches
Let’s go back to simple psychology and talk about casual touches. It turns out people are more likely to remember you when you touch them casually. This doesn’t have to be negative either, as it turns out an interpersonal shake of the hand or a touch on the shoulder conveys warmth and friendliness.
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17. Be Trusting
Lots of people conflate trust with naivety, and that’s not always the case. You should expect the best but prepare for the worst. So, offer other people your trust, while having contingencies just in case things don’t work out. But focusing on the positive, people like to feel trusted, as that makes them feel part of an inner circle.
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18. Know How to Disagree
A lot of people fear the day they get into an argument with a friend. In fact, some people outright avoid confrontation due to this fear. But instead, you should learn to disagree amicably. Approach the disagreement from a place of kindness, and never outright dismiss their ideas, as that will make them feel defensive. Above all, if you’re not reaching a common ground, don’t be afraid to agree to disagree.
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19. Spontaneous Trait Transference
Here’s a technical tip for you! In psychology, there’s something called spontaneous trait transference, where the words you use to describe people are the ones they associate with you in turn. So, talk about people positively, and sprinkle in those words you want them to think of when they think of you.
20. Presentation
Of course, everyone knows that people tend to gravitate toward those who are good-looking. So, with that in mind, do your best to present yourself in a nice way. Get a haircut if you need one, wear clothes that fit nicely, and don’t forget to brush your teeth. Personal hygiene and putting effort into your appearance go a long way and also make you appear more successful and competent.
