Green Means Go
Sometimes we get so caught up in being able to recognize red flags in relationships—jealousy, abuse, etc—that we forget about the good in others. Healthy relationships may not be as loud as unhealthy ones, but they're far more stable. These are 20 green flags found in healthy relationships.
1. Give And Take
A successful relationship should not be like a game of tug of war. You should both be willing to compromise when necessary, and reciprocate actions, feelings, or words when needed. A relationship is a shared space; be respectful of it.
2. Shared Values
Some values, such as religion, political beliefs, and bodily autonomy can be non-negotiable. While a good partner should challenge you intellectually (as we will see later), they should never challenge you in any way that makes you feel unsafe. It's important that the core tenants of your belief systems align.
3. Respectful Boundaries
When a lot of people see the words "boundaries" and "relationship" in the same sentence, they automatically think of physical boundaries—and they're not wrong! Consent for physical intimacy should be a constant in a relationship. However, emotional and spatial boundaries are just as important in building trust.
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4. Open Communication
Some of the worst relationships bottle up problems and feelings until they erupt in one nasty outpouring of emotion. If one of you is uncomfortable with something, you should be able to say so without fear of retaliation. Some things, once cracked, can never be put back together.
5. Alone Time
Sometimes, you need a little time to yourself. There's no shame or guilt in that, and recharging is an important part of being the best person you can be. Alone time shouldn't be a luxury in your relationship.
6. Common Interests
Opposites may attract, but some of the strongest relationships are built upon mutual interests. Commonality fosters connection and understanding. Even if you don't share every interest with your partner, you should be willing to listen and be excited with them.
7. Challenging Each Other
What do healthy relationships and vision boards have in common, you may ask? They can both help you achieve your goals. A strong partner should encourage you to be the best version of yourself, and they should want to do better for you just the same.
8. Prioritizing Quality Time
Even the strongest of relationships shouldn't mean 24/7 togetherness, but scheduling time together should never feel like a burden. A healthy relationship means being commitment to spending time together. Even if it's something as simple as reading on the couch, or watching a movie together, you should enjoy spending time with each other.
9. Willingness To Apologize
Everybody makes mistakes, but a good partner will take accountability for their mistakes, no matter how small. We're not talking waffly playground apologies where the second the teacher's back is turned you're going to do the same thing all over again. A core part of a mature relationship is knowing how to make a meaningful apology and being willing to back it up.
10. Conflict Resolution
Not even the healthiest relationship will be entirely without conflict. However, the strongest relationships work together to solve problems. Whether the conflict is internal or external, people in a healthy relationship will take the time to meaningfully solve it.
11. Authenticity
There's nothing worse than feeling like you're always performing. A partner will see you at your worst and, hopefully, at your best. You should never feel like you need to wear a mask around them, stifling parts of yourself to make them comfortable.
12. Independence
A relationship should never feel like a leash. While sharing things with your partner is important, you should never have your identity subsumed into someone else's. Not every one of your goals and feelings should also be your partners.
13. Interdependence
On the other hand, you should be able to depend on the other person when you need them, and they should be able to do the same for you. You're stronger when you're together.
14. Trust
If you have a history of being let down, it can be hard to believe when people actually trust you. Mutual trust is one of the key signifiers of a good relationship. If you feel comfortable sharing things with them, they'll feel comfortable sharing with you.
15. Good Humor
Is there any better feeling than making someone laugh? The only thing that we think even comes close is laughing until your stomach hurts. A good relationship should have both.
16. Validation
A bad partner minimizes or invalidates your feelings, a good partner acknowledges. There's a trick to it though: valid feelings aren't always good ones. The trick is trying to understand, even when you don't always agree.
17. Fondness
As corny as it is, you should feel about your partner the same way you feel an old sweater, or a beloved childhood toy. You should look forward to spending time with them and cherish them for the ways in which they have changed your life.
18. Play
One of the greatest joys of adulthood is rediscovering the art of play. Do you have fun with your partner? Do you feel like you can laugh and be silly with them? Do they give you all the joy of childhood with the stability of adulthood?
19. Security
The lines "Do you feel held by him? Does he feel like home to you?" from Midsommar may have become a meme since the film's release, but the sentiment rings true. A healthy relationship should feel safe for both people, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
20. Vulnerability
Vulnerability is the basis of human connection. Vulnerability isn't just about being honest, it's about laying yourself bare to your partner and trusting that they will not hurt you.
