Though we wish Peter Gabriel’s Book of Love existed, there’s no real guide on how to do it. Relationships look different for everyone—and though there’s no roadmap, there are some silly myths to finally stop believing.
1. Love is Enough
We’d all love to subscribe to the idea that love conquers all…until we grow up and realize that true relationships require so much more. Healthy partnerships need trust, honesty, open communication, and compromise (among other things), not just love.
2. Fantasies are Bad
Finding another person attractive doesn’t ruin your relationship. So long as fantasies remain as such, it’s actually normal to find other people cute. Unless these crushes are shrouded in secrecy, your partner doesn’t have eyes for someone else by acknowledging another's attractiveness.
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3. “The One” Exists
Long-term relationships feel like you found your soulmate, and there’s nothing wrong with the belief! However, try not to fall victim to this idea of “the one” because it can negatively affect your beliefs. “Soulmates” are built, not discovered.
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4. You Should Never Fight
The odd argument is healthy, not harmful, for long-lasting relationships. Arguing helps you understand each other better and grow as a couple whereas never arguing is a sign you don’t have the tough conversations.
5. Babies Fix Everything
A relationship in need only crumbles under more stress. Babies are a colossal, irreversible decision that traps you both together instead of allowing you to part amicably. The responsibility of children won’t save a rocky relationship—it’ll cause its downfall.
6. You Should Sacrifice Your Needs
Relationships should never mean sacrificing what you love or who you spend time with. The right person supports your friendships and hobbies without asking you to give them up. With the right person, you won’t feel like you have to give up anything either.
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7. Everything is 50/50
Nothing is ever split down the middle, and that includes your relationship. It’s about finding a fair balance that works for you, not tallying who does what. Trying to enforce a 50/50 relationship can make you butt heads with someone who’s supposed to be your teammate.
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8. You’ll Always Be Happy
Life comes with all kinds of ups and downs, and while your relationship is a bright spot, you’re not exempt from sadness. Partnerships take work and that includes the arguing or tough conversations. The end goal is to move forward together.
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9. Marriage Changes People
If you’re not to be, locking them in for life won’t change that. Much like how kids won’t save a relationship, marriage won’t suddenly shake someone’s fear of commitment. Evaluate your partnership honestly before jumping into huge decisions.
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10. Spending All Your Time Together
Partners need time away from each other because you’re separate people! It’s one thing to enjoy each other’s company, but a lack of individuality is usually a red flag for co-dependency. The right relationship means keeping hold of who you are.
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11. More Sex = Good Relationship
Sex is not an indication of a healthy relationship—physical intimacy indeed plays a role, but many factors affect how often couples slip under the sheets. From low drives to trauma recovery, open communication about sex is far more important than frequency.
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12. Partners Are Mindreaders
If only we could telepathically give our McDonald’s order. No matter how close you are, partners aren’t mindreaders and such a belief can harm relationships. Be honest and avoid any guesswork to keep happy.
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13. They Have to be Perfect
Everyone brings quirks and flaws into a relationship, the important thing is to love someone regardless. Not to mention, “perfection” puts your partner on an unattainable pedestal, which will only hurt them in the end.
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14. Men Always Want It
Maybe it’s the media, maybe it’s preconceived notions, but there’s a strange belief that men are always in the mood. Everyone is allowed to say no, men included. Whether they’re tired or simply not feeling it, let’s do away with emasculating those who aren’t in the mood.
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15. Opposites Attract
You don’t want to date your twin, but you don’t want to date your polar opposite either. Couples with nothing in common can’t go the distance because they’re either on different paths in life or invested in totally different hobbies.
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16. Love is Easy
Love is one of life’s most rewarding experiences, which is why people mistake it for being easy. Real relationships take work, will come with ups and downs, and can even cut deeply…but real relationships will also survive.
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17. Monogamy is the Only Way
Monogamy isn’t the only way to have a happy relationship—some introduce casual partners while others aren’t bound to just one person. Speak openly with your partner about what you’d like so you can reach a mutual understanding.
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18. Therapy is Bad
Therapy doesn’t mean a relationship is doomed. In fact, the only way to ensure a partnership fails is if you don’t fight for it. If you and your significant other need a little help, invest in a couple’s therapist to see what can be done.
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19. Women Are More Complicated
Women are often judged as the “complicated ones,” but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Everyone is complicated and the only way to truly understand someone is to be with them.
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20. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
This old wives’ tale does more harm than good and it’s time it retired. Sometimes the best thing you can do after a fight is take a break. In reality, trying to prematurely resolve issues only leads to more fighting—but now it’s at 2:00 a.m.
