The Dark Side of Dating
More people are single than ever before, and it’s hard to pinpoint why. Either way, it’s clear that modern dating is very different from the traditions and rituals of the past. Here are some new behaviors and habits that really showcase how dark dating has gotten. Have you experienced any of these things in your dating life?
1. Misread Connections
You could confuse a person's ability to be "social" with a deep and real connection. This can be very hard to realize in the moment when their "chemistry" seems so genuine: they know how to be charismatic, attentive, and mirroring of your emotions. This can feel like a deep connection even if it's not, and lead to serious confusion and pain.
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2. Fake Bots
Some apps allegedly use bots or fake profiles to appear interested and draw users back into the app when there are no matches available. Fake matches lead people to believe in the possibility of a connection. Essentially, convincing them to spend more time or money on the app before they realize they’re not even messaging a real person.
3. Pretending to Be Someone
So many people are more concerned with performing a more attractive version of themselves instead of just being their true selves in the hopes of getting more matches and attention. This is a superficial and performative cycle that results in hollow connections. Ultimately, this leaves people feeling unseen and disassociated, even when they may think that they have everything they wanted.
4. Expecting Perfection
One of the uglier facts of modern dating is that a lot of people have unfair expectations of others yet expect total acceptance of themselves. This paradox is a result of our dating apps which promise limitless options, leading to a sense of entitlement in people. It’s a vicious cycle that neglects the very real human connection in favor of fantasy.
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5. Social Media Toxicity
Another truth about modern dating is the role social media plays in creating toxic echo chambers that create divisions and animosity between men and women. Both genders are fed divisive content and narratives, diverting attention from real problems while keeping people in an emotional state of disarray. We cannot build healthy relationships and solidarity when we’re fighting with one another.
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6. Just Friends
A sad reality of modern dating is that it's all too easy to mistake platonic friendship for romantic interest. Someone can be warm, attentive, and all-around fun to be around, wanting to hang out one-on-one with you, all in the platonic sense. In our current culture of casual interaction, what starts as innocent friendliness can send mixed signals, one person becoming invested and the other believing it to be completely platonic.
7. Ghosting
One of the uglier realities of dating today is that it is not uncommon for people to simply disappear without any explanation. Ghosting leaves the other person confused and rejected with no closure and, most importantly, no idea what they did wrong. This behavior is not a sign of a respectful or mature person, so ghosting means walking away.
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8. Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing is when someone teases you with just enough attention to keep you hooked, but never follows through or communicates consistently. This emotional manipulation leaves you invested in them, while they play games and avoid commitment. Spotting breadcrumbing early can prevent wasted time on someone who isn't interested in you.
9. Hook-Up Culture
Hookup culture can often make it difficult to know where you stand. When the line between casual and serious becomes hazy, situationships where there is intimacy without a clear commitment can leave people feeling more confused. It’s crucial to determine early on if you’re okay with ambiguity or if you need clear boundaries for the sake of your emotional health.
10. Chasing Thrills
One sad truth about modern dating is that a lot of people are emotionally unavailable and chasing thrills. It's about validation without emotional investment. This is why you might be into someone, but all they’re interested in is feeding their own ego before moving on to the next person.
11. Ticking Boxes
Folks get so caught up with rigid checklists and deal-breakers that they miss love in plain sight. They don’t see past the gaps in the person who doesn’t match their ideal image. A list can become a filter that blocks you from discovering amazing traits and chemistry you never expected.
12. Engagement Over Outcome
The majority of popular dating apps are owned by a handful of companies who care more about profit and engagement than actually fostering connections. They exploit people and want to keep us addicted rather than help us find a romantic partner. After all, if you find someone and leave the app, that’s less money for them.
13. Online Narcissism
A sad truth about modern dating is that dating apps attract narcissists like a magnet because they are full of easy attention, affirmation, and ego-stroking opportunities. The worst of them are masters of masking their true selves behind smooth talk. So if someone seems too good to be true and moves too fast or love-bombs you at the beginning, it may be a red flag.
14. Treating People as Disposable
You can find yourself falling for someone and building a connection, only for them to drop you as soon as something is slightly off, they have a bad day, or you make one comment they don’t like. With a society that promotes instant gratification, an endless cycle of no-effort dating, and more choices than ever before, no one is willing to settle. In the long run, this makes being your authentic self impossible.
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15. Scams
Then we have the growing number of romance scams. People have fallen victim to these scams when the scammers have convinced them they're in love or have strong emotional feelings for them. The scammer then manipulates the other person for money, gifts, or personal information. It is a common scam for a person to create a fake online profile, establish an emotional relationship with someone over a period of time, and then make up some kind of emergency they need help with.
16. Acting Like a Prize
There are also people who approach dating with a completely selfish “I’m the prize” attitude. They want to date without putting in any effort, while at the same time expecting the other person to go above and beyond to “prove” their value. Dating then becomes a transactional power game instead of what it’s supposed to be.
17. Safety First
One of the unfortunate realities of dating in the modern world is that you can never feel completely safe. People have to go through the process of vetting matches with the skepticism of a private investigator. Fake profiles, dangerous people, and in-person encounters that turn threatening can all be risks you face while looking for love, which shows how unbalanced and even dangerous the playing field can be.
18. Lack of Effort
The harsh truth about dating in today’s world is that it’s a whole lot of people with zero effort. If you find that the other person is persistently indifferent, their answers are dull, and they are not at all invested in engaging with you, take it as a clear signal. You should not have to pester someone for attention or work on a one-sided relationship. It just leads to burnout and bitterness.
19. Easy Cheating
Cheating is so prevalent today and it's mostly due to how easy it is to do. Phones and personal messaging apps make it so you can conceal an affair without fear of getting caught. From burner accounts to self-deleting apps, there are plenty of ways to lie to your partner and no easy way to find out.
20. No Common Courtesy
Online dating has removed basic manners from the equation. There's very little accountability when so much of dating takes place through a screen. Ghosting, being rude, or stringing someone along becomes easy and painless when you don't consider the other person to be "real."
