Before You Hit That 'Send' Button...
Hold your horses—before you send that text to your ex, you might want to rethink your decision. We get it: sometimes these texts are bad choices made in the heat of the moment, whether because you're sprung on by liquid courage or feeling oddly sentimental, but it's probably better to put the phone down if you can help it. Here are 10 things you should never, ever, text your ex—and 10 things you still can.
1. Let's Get Back Together
Coming up first on the list of things you should never text your ex is: "Let's get back together." No matter why you both broke up, there's probably a good reason it ended the way it did, and why the relationship fizzled out.
2. I Still Love You
Absolutely do not ever text this to your ex. Again, no matter the reason why you've both broken up, bringing up the big four-letter word will lead to a lot of messy stuff, and you'll most likely regret it. (Heck, you might be pushed on by liquid courage, so it's best to keep your phone away during a night out.)
3. I Miss You
Telling your ex you miss them will open a whole can of worms, especially when you've split up for a while. You might think it's a harmless text at the moment, but these words show that you're still thinking about them enough to write out a message to say exactly that.
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4. You're the Best I Ever Had
Regardless of whether you actually think this is true or not, you don't want to give your ex the upper hand by telling them this. You're deserving of love and better relationships, and the right person will find you. Don't give your ex power by telling them that they're the best you've ever had.
5. I'm Dating Someone New
If you're living, loving, and thriving, keep at it! You don't need to be updating your ex about who you're seeing or dating like you're posting a tweet to X. You should also avoid texting them this because you want them to be jealous.
6. Do You Miss What We Had?
Again, let's not open a whole can of worms by texting your ex this. You've broken up, and you should move on. Ruminating over what could've been and past memories will only make it harder for you, especially when you're trying to remind your ex of all those memories, too.
7. Can I See You?
What's your reason for texting this? Because you want to seek them out as a friend, or because you have other things in mind? If it hasn't been that long since you've broken up, throwing out a message like this can lead to a whole lot of regret.
8. You Broke My Heart
Remember what we said about not letting your ex have power over you? This is another text you should never send to your ex, because it lets them know that you're not only still thinking about them, but that their absence has left you feeling hollow. We know it can be hard when the heartbreak is still fresh, but trust us, texting them this will only hurt you more.
9. I Cheated on You
If you're texting this because it's true, then there's a reason why you've both broken up, and why it should stay that way. If you're texting this because you're hurt and want them to hurt, too, then that's petty, reveals a lot about your character, and will likely backfire on you.
10. Are You Seeing Anyone Yet?
Checking on your ex to see if they've moved on to someone new will only hurt you more. If they say yes, it'll twist the knife deeper; if they say no, it gives you hope that you might be able to rekindle. But it's better to find closure, keep your head up, and move forward, no matter how hard it is initially.
Now that we've talked about some no-no texts you should never send your ex, what about the things you can? Let's jump into that next.
1. I Hope You're Doing Well
While you don't want to be sending this, say, every week like you're trying to win them back, it's fine to text them this if you want to keep things polite after you've split. It shows that you're kind and respectful, and it doesn't push for a reciprocal response.
2. Congrats on ___!
Did your ex get their dream job? Win an award? Graduate from school? If you're both still on good terms, feel free to send them a quick "congrats!" Keep it genuine and cordial—you don't want to be sending this if your breakup was rough and you're texting this out of spite.
3. I've Been Reflecting, and I'm Sorry for ___
If you've been reflecting on the relationship and how it ended, you might realize some things you didn't notice before. You might even realize that there were times you didn't apologize when you were in the wrong, and perhaps that was one of the reasons for your eventual split. Even if it's belated, it's still thoughtful to send a quick, "hey, I'm sorry for that time I..." if it warrants a proper apology.
4. I Found Some of Your Things—Should I Drop It Off?
If you come across some belongings left behind by your ex and you're not sure if you should just toss them out, you can text your ex about it to confirm. Chances are, if it's been a while, it's probably fine to chuck it—but there's no real harm in asking, either.
5. Happy Birthday
If you're still close enough (or at least, don't hate each other's guts enough) to send the yearly "Happy Birthday" text, then go ahead! It's short and simple, and you shouldn't feel the need to add anything else to it to make it personable if you don't want to.
6. I Heard About ___ and Hope You're Okay
If you find out something about your ex's personal life and want to send a quick message to check in, by all means, do so. In fact, it shows maturity and empathy. If, however, you've ended all contact with your ex and feel that it would be inappropriate, seem out of character, or negatively affect your mental health if you reached back out, listen to your heart and do what's best for you.
7. Thanks for the Memories
Short, sweet, and to the point. Sending this text to your ex lets them know that you want to end on a good note, and that even if the relationship didn't work out, you appreciate the memories you made together, the experiences you've been through together, and the lessons you've learned.
8. Could I Get More Closure?
If you feel that your breakup was sudden and you weren't able to get enough closure to move on, it's fine to send this text to your ex. Keep in mind: your goal should be to get what you need to move on, not so you have a chance to somehow "win" them back.
9. Are You Open to Staying as Friends?
With this text, your tone (as much as you can show "tone" on a digital screen) and intention matter. What's your real reason for sending this message, and what's your end goal? If it's for a chance to rekindle the relationship, you should avoid texting this for your own mental health. If it's because you actually do think you and your ex could remain great friends, then go for it.
10. Wishing You All the Best
Sure, this might make it sound as if you're emailing a coworker on their last day, but it works. There's a tone of finality to it that makes it clear that you hope the best for them, but they'll be continuing on in a future where you're not part of the picture.
