Are You Dating for the Wrong or Right Reasons?
Are you a serial dater, jumping from one partner to the next without pause? If so, you might be dating for the wrong reasons, which is to avoid that antsy, restless feeling of being alone. You can't stand being single; you need someone to fill the void. Sounds like you? Here are 10 signs you're only dating because you're lonely—and 10 signs you're actually ready.
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1. You're Looking for Validation
If you're constantly seeking validation from your partner in a relationship, such as them telling you you're beautiful, or you're always asking for their approval, then you're likely not in it for the connection. After all, your confidence shouldn't need to rely on someone else's words and opinions.
2. You Overlook Red Flags
Deep down, you know there are red flags—some of which you might not have tolerated in the past. But now, you overlook them. You're much more afraid of being single and alone than being in a relationship with someone who sometimes oversteps your boundaries.
3. You're Fixated on the Status—Not the Connection
You don't really care that the connection isn't quite there with your current partner; you're just glad you're not single. Sure, you might not always see eye-to-eye with this person, but you're willing to compromise and make sacrifices so that this works out, even if deep down you know it won't work out.
4. You're Reluctant to Open Up & Be Vulnerable
Regardless of how long it has been since you've dated your current partner, you're still shifty and reluctant when it comes to sensitive topics, and you're not ready to share your vulnerabilities with this person. You also don't like thinking about your past relationships, and you don't care about learning from them to set better expectations and goals.
5. You Have Very Little in Common with Them
You have almost next to nothing in common with this person, but you've convinced yourself that's okay. After all, opposites attract, right? It doesn't matter if you're not interested in their passions, and they aren't interested in yours. You can just pretend you are, anyway.
6. You Compare Your Relationship to Others'
You can't help it—you're constantly comparing not just yourself to other people, but your relationship, too. You obsess over what others have, what they do with their significant other, what milestones they've already met. You might even feel the need to "showcase" your relationship to convince them (or yourself, really) that what you have is "better."
7. You Go on Dates to Fill the Void & Silence
You don't even necessarily go on dates because you want to and because you enjoy them. You only set them up because you're bored, lonely, and have nothing better to do. Plus, it feels good (and maybe even feeds your ego) to at least have someone to go on dates with.
8. You're Afraid of Being Single
Admit it—you're afraid of being single. You'd rather keep a relationship going with someone who you know isn't the one, than to be without anyone at all. Whether it's societal pressures or your own expectations, you can't stand the thought of not having a partner.
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9. You Don't Mean It When You Say "I Love You"
You utter those three words back when your partner says them to you first, but you don't actually feel anything when you're repeating them. They might as well be any other words. It's not like you don't like them at all or can't see yourself loving them, but you just don't have deep enough feelings now.
10. You Think About Other People
A huge glaring sign that you're only dating because you're lonely? You think about other people. You might even think about your ex, and all your other past relationships, comparing them and wondering if there could be someone better.
Now that you know some of the signs behind dating to not feel alone, what about signs you're actually ready to date? Let's jump into that next.
1. You're Happy on Your Own & Understand Yourself
You'll know you're ready to date when you're happy on your own. That might sound contradictory, but it just means your values, self-worth, and joy don't come from others. You're not looking for someone to "complete" you—your partner should complement you.
2. You Know What You're Looking For
You know what you want, and you're not settling for less. Maybe you've learned from your past relationships, or you just understand your personal values. Either way, this helps you narrow your search, and you're not afraid of putting in the effort.
3. You're Emotionally Available
You're not closed off. You're comfortable speaking about your vulnerabilities with people you trust, and you're both emotionally stable and available enough to be respectful of the vulnerabilities of your potential partners.
4. You've Done Proper Reflection on Past Relationships
You understand why your past relationships didn't work out, and you've moved on from them completely. You don't think about your exes anymore. What you have taken from those experiences are the lessons you've learned, which can help you be a better partner and understand what you want in a relationship.
5. You Can Compromise—But You Also Know Your Boundaries
You're willing to make sacrifices for your partner and your relationship, but that doesn't mean you're okay with having your boundaries crossed. A relationship is a two-way street, so you know exactly how much you're willing to give and take, and you won't tolerate having your respect, trust, and values trampled on.
6. You're Not Afraid If Things Don't Work Out
And if things happen to not work out, you're okay with it. It sucks, but again, you're not defined by your partner or your relationship, and you're happy just as you are. So if things aren't meant to be, then they just weren't meant to be.
7. You Have a Life Outside Dating
Your life doesn't revolve around dating, being in a relationship, and having a partner. You have your own hobbies that you engage in; you have your own friends you regularly catch up with; you have your own ambitions and goals. Sure, you might share some of those moments with your partner, but you understand that you don't need to do everything together.
8. You're Open to Learning & Growing with Your Partner
There's no such thing as a perfect relationship or even the perfect partner. There will always be things that don't unfold exactly the way we want. But what's important is that you don't let those rifts break you—you let them make you both stronger. You know this all too well, and you welcome the opportunity to learn and grow with your partner.
9. You've Set Aside Unrealistic Expectations
You might have had unrealistic expectations when you were younger or in your past relationships, but you've matured and know better than to box yourself in so tightly. Of course, you should know what you want in a partner, but you shouldn't expect them to be cookie-cutter perfect.
10. You're a Great Communicator
You're great at communicating. If something upsets you, you don't hold grudges and ignore others—you talk it through. You approach conflict with an open mind, and you're honest, reliable, and trustworthy. All you ask is that your partner offers those same qualities back.
