Spotting the Frenemy
Not all friends are built the same, and while some are happy to support you through life, others are secretly sabotaging you. It’s time to identify and get rid of the toxic leeches in your life.
1. Constant Criticism
Friends are supposed to be supportive and uplifting, but many toxic people use the excuse of “tough love” or “cracking jokes” to belittle you. If you find your friends often mock your choices or make you feel less-than, then consider whose side they’re really on.
2. All About Them
If you’ve tried sharing a personal story with a friend but they quickly change the topic to talk about themselves, then this too is toxic. Dominating every conversation is one way to make any friendship feel one-sided, and leaves people wondering how much they truly care.
3. You Feel Drained
Sometimes our physical bodies are more perceptive than our minds. If you feel emotionally exhausted at the sheer thought of hanging out with them, or feel that way afterwards too, then they’re probably not worth the hassle.
4. They Guilt Trip
Toxic friends are all about getting things their way, and they’re more than happy to use manipulation tactics and guilt to get you to do what they want. Whether it’s to push your boundaries or force you to hang with them when they never return the favor, these are things to keep an eye out for.
5. Jealousy
Toxic friends can be possessive, after all, they don’t want you meeting better people and learning how much better your friendships can be. So they will likely block you from hanging with other people and may even feel threatened by family members.
6. It’s a Competition
Toxic friends essentially use you to feel better about themselves. So the moment your life starts improving, they’ll be the first to put you down or downplay your success. They’re only interested in boasting about themselves.
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7. They Don’t Show Up
These friends expect you to show up to every event they plan, but they rarely return the favor. They’re the kinds of friends that show up when it’s convenient, no matter what they promised or what you need.
8. You Can’t Be Yourself
If you find yourself putting on a fake personality or pretending to like the things they like to fit in, then this friendship isn’t worth it. You have to censor yourself or act differently just to avoid their criticism and judgment.
9. They Cross Boundaries
You may set some boundaries about privacy or your limits when it comes to nights out. But these toxic friends are always eager to push these limits, happy to trample over them and then make fun of you for complaining.
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10. Your Loved Ones Are Concerned
Sometimes it’s hard to see a bad friend when you’re too close to the situation. This is why you should consider the opinions of other family members and friends. If people you trust express concern, you might wanna rethink the relationship.
Now that we have talked about the different ways a toxic friendship manifests, here are 10 things to do to get out of one!
1. Reflect
The first step is to take some time to reflect on the friendship. Weigh the pros and cons, ask yourself important questions, like if you feel safe or respected. Getting clarity on the situation will make it much easier to act.
2. Set Boundaries
Toxic friends love trampling over boundaries, but that doesn’t mean you can’t reaffirm them. Limit how often you see these friends, say no to behaviors you don’t like, and refuse to participate in activities that make you uncomfortable.
3. Communicate
Best case scenario is that these friends don’t realize how they’re making you feel. They might just be set in their habits and could be willing to change. So be sure to honestly express yourself in conversation and let them know that certain behaviors hurt you. They might surprise you and apologize.
4. Create Distance
Of course, if talking with your friends doesn’t seem to create any tangible change, then it’s time to go on the defensive. Start by creating distance, stop initiating contact and prioritize people who are kinder to you.
5. End the Friendship
Of course, at a certain point, the best thing to do is to just end the friendship. You can use distance to let it fade naturally, or just be honest and wish them the best. Go low to no contact, and don’t be afraid to use that block button.
6. Take Time to Heal
Now it’s time to focus on yourself and let the healing process begin. Even if the friendship was toxic, it’s completely normal to grieve the relationship and even feel guilt or sadness. Let the feelings wash over you and reflect on what you truly deserve.
7. Find New Hobbies
It’s time to fill that toxic-friend-shaped hole in your heart with a better hobby! Hobbies are also a great way to make new, hopefully nicer, friends as well. So consider joining your local rock climbing gym or taking up bird watching.
8. Prioritize Real Friends
If your toxic friends have caused you to part from the kinder people in your life, take this time to mend bridges. Reach out to old friends and people you want to have an actual relationship with.
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9. Seek Help
Of course, if your toxic friends have left you feeling anxious and disillusioned, there’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Talk to trusted family members, or even seek out therapy to help you build back your self-esteem.
10. Try Again
Don’t let a few bad apples ruin you from exploring and enjoying friendships. Get back on that horse and make new connections once you’re ready. And if any of them feel toxic and familiar, don’t be afraid to make them short.
