For generations, we’ve been sold the idea that somewhere out there is “the one”—a single, perfect, cosmically-connected soulmate. It’s a romantic notion reinforced by movies, novels, and dating apps. However, when you look at how relationships actually work in the real world, the idea of “the one” starts to fall apart.
We hate to break it to you if you've built your entire romantic life around this concept, but "the one" is nothing more than a romantic myth, and a misguided one at that.
Where does the idea of "the one" come from?
The concept of "the one" is rooted in ancient mythology and reinforced by religious traditions that framed monogamy and abstinence as the proper, civilized way to live. Later, it was echoed by Romantic-era literature that elevated passion, destiny, and soul-deep connection above practicality. In the modern age, this narrative has been pushed further by Hollywood films, informing our dating culture.
The problem with "the one."
The belief in "the one" often creates unrealistic expectations. When people assume a perfect partner is waiting for them, small disagreements with their real partner will make them doubt everything.
Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that these things take compromise and clashes, and personality differences are inevitable. They're totally normal signs of two people learning how to coexist, but they might be treated as proof that the relationship is wrong if one or both partners believe in "the one."
Instead of asking, "Can we grow together?" people start asking, "Is this person it?" which makes it hard to appreciate and commit to what's in front of you.
Psychologists have long pointed out that compatibility isn’t fixed or magical. Research suggests that shared values, communication skills, emotional regulation, and willingness to compromise matter far more than instant chemistry.
While attraction and excitement are important, they don’t sustain a relationship through stress, boredom, or life changes. A long-lasting partnership is less about destiny and more about effort, adaptability, and mutual respect.
The “one” myth also fuels decision paralysis in modern dating. With online dating, the dating pool has been larger than ever before. With endless profiles and options, people keep swiping under the assumption that something better must be just one more match away. This "paradox of choice" actually makes it difficult to fully invest in anyone, especially if you have the idea that your perfect soul mate is waiting for you.
Believing in "the one" can make breakups more difficult, too. If you’re convinced that a relationship was your only shot at true love, its ending feels catastrophic instead of painful but survivable. In reality, people are capable of forming deep, fulfilling connections with more than one person over a lifetime. Losing a relationship doesn’t mean you’ve lost your chance at happiness; it means that particular partnership no longer fits.
The idea of your mythic destined soul mate may be baloney, but that doesn't mean "the one" doesn't exist in other ways. Rooted in reality, "the one" is the person you decide to commit to. They're the person you choose to start a family with, marry, and grow old with; the person you stand next to through thick and thin. You may not be cosmically connected, and your relationship won't be perfect all the time, but you choose each other every day anyway.
Instead of searching for perfection, you start looking for compatibility, kindness, and shared direction when you let go of the myth of "the one."
