A Scary New Chapter
Many parents fear the day they become empty nesters, after all, a major part of their life has been uprooted and it may leave them feeling purposeless. Empty Nester Syndrome is quite common, but knowing what to expect and how to handle it are a great way to make the next chapter brighter.
1. Feeling Lonely
It’s very common for empty nesters to be struck with feelings of loneliness as their child's presence is suddenly ripped from their lives. This can lead to moments of missing them, cherishing their things, and going through an almost grief-like episode.
2. Lack of Purpose
Without your child and their needs to tend to, you may feel a bit displaced and purposeless. Certain chores may no longer be a concern, and you won’t have another person to keep track of. Of course, your relationship is still there, just different, and you can always reach out and remain a guiding figure in their life from afar.
3. Relationship Issues
Some relationships thrive on increased time and space, but others may struggle with the absence of their children. If your relationship is otherwise unhappy, the lack of your child’s presence will only highlight this unhappiness and bring up past issues.
4. Loss of Control
It’s hard for parents to come to term with the fact that they no longer have control over their children's lives. This loss of control can make parents sick with worry, and letting go can be jarring.
5. Regret
Additionally, parents may feel regretful about the time they had and how they spent it. They may rethink key moments of their child's growth and want to suddenly dump information they feel they’ve missed.
6. Running Out of Time
Similar to regret, parents may feel as if they’ve run out of time to influence their children, but that’s not true. Your child will still seek you out for advice, and it's not fair to put pressure on yourself to have to be the perfect parent all the time.
7. Low Self Worth
Mothers in particular, but fathers too, tend to feel like they are less valuable without their children. This is because they have tied their innate self-worth to their children, and must rediscover how to become fulfilled individuals.
8. Empty Nest Syndrome
In fact, empty nest syndrome is a name often given to the emotional turmoil and sadness parents undergo when their children leave. While not a clinical condition, it is quite common and happens to many parents.
9. Anxiety
Parents may be flooded with worry as they are no longer able to keep track or observe their child on a daily basis. They may want more involvement and this may stem from a lack of trust between parties.
10. Sadness
Finally, no matter how much you prepare for it, it’s common to feel sad when your child leaves. No matter what kind of relationship you had or how far or close they are, this emotional episode is a common occurrence that can’t be avoided and must be faced.
Now that we have talked about the truths of becoming an empty nester, here are 10 ways to make peace and enjoy the next phase of your life.
1. Opportunity for Rediscovery
While some parents feel their personality and purpose is tied to their kids, they should try to see this as an opportunity to rediscover themselves. Who are you without your kids? Who were you before them? This is the phase of your life where you get to find that out again.
2. Feel Your Feelings
It’s also important to feel your feelings instead of trying to rush through them or ignore them. It’s common to go through similar stages of grief, and writing about them in a journal or talking about them with loved ones is a great way to process them.
3. Time to Reflect
This should be seen as a moment for reflection. After all, you’ve completed one of the biggest milestones in a parent's life, and have undergone a journey not everyone gets to. You brought your child to the point where they can strike out on their own, and that’s worth a pat on the back and some thought.
4. Focus on Your Marriage
Whether you’re married, have a partner, or are single, now is a time to focus on your own relationships, love life, and intimacy. Lots of couples find new freedoms and ways to reconnect with others, while single parents may feel more at ease to explore new connections.
5. A Continuation
Rather than see this phase as an ending of a relationship, you should instead see it as a continuation of your relationship. You’ve made it to the next stage of parenting. Your relationship with your child has evolved, and it's time to think about what kind of contract you would like to have and how involved you plan to be.
6. Explore Hobbies
A great way to distract yourself or give your children space if needed is to explore new hobbies. Now's the perfect time to take that paint class, or go on that vacation you’ve been putting off.
7. A Fresh Chapter
This isn’t the end of your story, but a fresh new chapter, and it's important to approach it with that mindset and create some excitement. Open yourself up to new opportunities, meet new people, learn new skills!
8. Rekindle Friendships
If you’ve had to divide your time between family, you can use this free space to rekindle old friendships or catch up with old connections. Go see some extended family, or hit up your friend for a night out.
9. Feel Useful
There’s nothing wrong with finding a new baby, and it doesn’t mean you're replacing your kid. Instead, a new object of focus, whether it be a pet, a house remodel, or a passion project, is a great way to gain some purpose and perspective.
10. Reach Out
Finally, don’t be afraid to reach out for support and talk to the people you love. This includes talking to your child to help ease the transition, or reaching out to family members or friends who have undergone similar experiences.
